Scripture
Scholars Believe John Was Known As ‘The Baptist’ To Differentiate Himself From ‘John The Presbyterian’
CAMBRIDGE — Scholars at Cambridge University now believe the biblical John the Baptist only went by that name to distinguish himself from other prominent Johns of the period, particularly John the Presbyterian.An ancient scroll dating back to…
Apostle John Pads Third Letter With Extra-Wide Margins, 37-Point Font
EPHESUS — Struggling to stretch his third letter to the recommended length, the Apostle John cleverly used 1.5-spacing, extra wide margins, and wrote in a generous 22-point font.The beloved apostle whom Jesus loved reportedly worked hard to pad…
Baal Returns From The Bathroom To Find All His Prophets Dead
MOUNT CARMEL — The demon known as "Baal" returned from a bathroom break only to find all of 450 of his prophets dead.Watching as all of Israel proclaimed that "The Lord is God," Baal later admitted that he had picked a…
‘There, It Couldn’t Be More Clear,’ Announces John After Finishing Revelation
PATMOS — The Apostle John emerged from his cave earlier this week feeling confident that he couldn't have been more clear in his description of the revelation he'd received."Perfect. Crystal clear," John declared, setting…
Three Republicans Thrown Into Fiery Furnace For Not Bowing Down To Trump Statue
MAR-A-LAGO, FL — Three Republicans refused to bow to the golden Trump statue at Mar-A-Lago, sources confirmed today. Those at the unveiling had been instructed to bow down and worship when Lee Greenwood's "God Bless the U.S.A."…
Archeologists Unearth Vuvuzelas Blown By Israelites Outside Walls Of Jericho
JERICHO — Archeologists announced Thursday that they have unearthed a cache of ancient vuvuzelas, believed to have been the "trumpets" used by the Israelites during the collapse of Jericho's walls.Audible gasps were heard as the…
Adam And Eve Compile Comprehensive List Of Potential Suspects In Abel’s Murder
EAST OF EDEN — After discovering the horrific murder of their son Abel, Adam and Eve sat down to compile a comprehensive list of possible suspects.Declaring the case to be a real "whodunit," the first man and woman puzzled long into…
7 Inspiring Scripture Quotes To Lift You Up
When your soul yearns for inspiration, there is no better place to turn than the Word of God. Be lifted up by these seven amazing quotes from Scripture: California transplants Steve and Timpani try to be the perfect Texas hosts for…
New Evidence Reveals Judas Received His 30 Pieces Of Silver From The SLPC
JERUSALEM — In a surprising new discovery that coincides with recent news headlines, biblical scholars confirmed that Judas Iscariot likely received his 30 pieces of silver from the Southern Poverty Law Center.The new insight came as the result…
New Evidence Reveals Judas Received His 30 Pieces Of Silver From The SPLC
JERUSALEM — In a surprising new discovery that coincides with recent news headlines, biblical scholars confirmed that Judas Iscariot likely received his 30 pieces of silver from the Southern Poverty Law Center.The new insight came as the result…