Sports
To Make Games Fair, MLB Will Now Have Managers Line Everyone Up And Pick Teams Before Each Game
NEW YORK, NY. — As teams and fans alike gear up for the start of a new baseball season, to make games more fair, Major League Baseball will now have managers line everyone up and pick teams before each game.Debate has raged over the competitive…
WNBA Players Vow To Continue Missing Lay-Ups Until ICE Withdraws From Minnesota
U.S. — In a touching display of solidarity amid widespread conflict in American cities, WNBA players issued a joint statement announcing they had vowed to continue missing lay-ups until ICE withdraws from Minnesota.The statement, co-signed by…
Pro Athlete Struck By Lightning After Failing To Thank Jesus Christ For Victory
U.S. — Tragedy unfolded at a sporting event over the weekend, as a professional athlete was struck by lightning after unexcusably failing to thank Jesus Christ for giving his team the victory in the game.The traumatic incident occurred following…
College Team Credits Football Championship To Discipline, Teamwork, $370 Million
MIAMI, FL — The Indiana Hoosiers credited their shocking college football championship victory to discipline, teamwork, and the $370 million spent buying their roster."We couldn't have done it without sticking together as a team,…
To Save Time, Journalists Now Only Reporting On Any Free Agents The Dodgers Did Not Sign
U.S. — To improve efficiency with their time management, sports journalists covering Major League Baseball announced that they would now only report on any free agents the Los Angeles Dodgers do not sign to their team.A new industry mandate from…
The Official Babylon Bee NFL Playoff Betting Guide
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NFL Announces Each Quarter Of Playoff Game Will Be Broadcast On Different Streaming Service
U.S. — In its ongoing effort to make watching football as difficult as possible, the National Football League announced today that each quarter of the playoff games will be exclusively streamed on a different streaming network.For today's…
Losing Football Team Excitedly Introduces New Coach Just Fired From Other Losing Football Team
U.S. — A losing football team excitedly announced today it had hired a new head coach, who was just fired from a different losing football team.Though the team's previous coach was also hired from yet another losing team, the general…
College Football Player Achieves Lifelong Dream Of Playing In Duke’s Mayo Bowl Brought To You By Duke’s Mayo
U.S. — One young student athlete's years of hard work were finally set to pay off, as a college football player prepared to achieve his lifelong dream of playing in the Duke's Mayo Bowl brought to you by Duke's Mayo.Zack Owens,…
In College Sports, Don’t Forget the “Student” in the Student-Athlete Equation
This year’s college football bowl season consists of 41 games, including 11 that are part of the playoff system that first began in 2014. What schools makes it in and what teams are left out is a matter of perennial controversy, especially this…