Sports
Chicago Bulls Offer To Reinstate Jayden Ivey If He Will Do Some Cocaine And Beat A Few Women
CHICAGO, IL — After releasing Jayden Ivey over his statements about the unrighteousness of Pride month, the Chicago Bulls have offered to reinstate Ivey on the team if he will agree to do some cocaine and beat a few women.The Bulls stated that…
CB Bucknor Calls Entire Game Without Once Looking Up From His Newspaper
HOUSTON, TX — Major League Baseball history was made today, as longtime umpire CB Bucknor called the entire game from behind home plate without once looking up from his newspaper.The embattled umpire brushed off the intense criticism he had…
MLB Umpires Admit They’ve Kinda Just Been Guessing This Whole Time
U.S. — As baseball's opening weekend ended with the sports world buzzing about the new Automated Ball-Strike System changing the game, MLB umpires admitted that they've kinda just been guessing this whole time.With fans and journalists…
Every Inning Of Baseball Game Aired On Different Streaming Service
U.S. - In a new milestone for Major League Baseball, every single inning of a game was aired on a different streaming platform.Sunday's matchup between the Texas Rangers and Philadelphia Phillies saw the opening pitch broadcast on Fubo, the…
Olympics Bans All Balls From Women’s Sports
LAUSANNE — In a landmark statement intended to simultaneously clarify lingering questions regarding trans athletes in events and prevent any potential confusion in the future, the International Olympic Committee announced that it was banning all…
IOC bans biological males from women’s Olympic events, adds genetic testing
The Olympics are resetting the rules of competition and drawing a hard line on who qualifies for women’s sports. The International Olympic Committee announced a sweeping new policy Thursday restricting women’s events to biological females,…
Chicago White Sox Improve Playoff Chances By Switching To WNBA
CHICAGO, IL — In the wake of two historically bad seasons, the owner of the Chicago White Sox has reportedly opted to enter his team into the WNBA to improve their chances."Last year I was watching the players make error after error and it…
MLB Umpire Replaced With Cardboard Cutout
NEW YORK, NY — As part of its ongoing agenda to minimize human errors that affect games, Major League Baseball announced that, in addition to using the "Automated Ball-Strike System" technology, all umpires would be replaced with…
MLB Introduces Popular New Rule Where Umps Who Get More Than 3 Calls Overturned Are Jettisoned Into The Sun
U.S. — Ahead of Opening Day next week, Major League Baseball announced a new permanent rule where umpires who get more than 3 of their calls overturned over the course of a game will be jettisoned into the sun.The new rule, called the Blindspot…
Holes In 7-Year-Old’s Game Exposed As Dad Delivers Epic Beatdown
CANYON, TX - Local seven-year-old Brayden Rogers got totally exposed this afternoon as he suffered an embarrassing hoops beatdown against his father.Jim Rogers exploited hole after hole in Brayden's weak game, from shaky offhand dribbling…