Sports
College Football Star Horrified He Might Be Drafted And Have To Take Huge Pay Cut
TUSCALOOSA, AL — After putting on a superb performance in the season opener, young college football star Davis Mack began worrying that he could wind up in the NFL Draft and be forced to take a massive pay cut.Mack, who currently earns $10…
Trump Renames The Montreal Canadiens As The Montreal Americans
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump announced on Friday that he had successfully annexed the Canadian hockey team, the Montreal Canadiens, and would be renaming them the Montreal Americans.The controversial move came amid an ongoing trade…
Don’t Underestimate the Oversized Role of Christian Coaches in America
When Minnesota’s Becker High School football team charges onto the field for its opening game on Thursday night against Orono High, the Bulldogs will be led by Coach Dwight Lundeen – the same man who’s been guiding the squad for the last 57…
Tiger Woods’ License Suspended After Court Determines He Is Half-Asian
JUPITER, FL — A Florida court suspended golf legend Tiger Woods' driver's license for five years after an investigation determined that he is half-Asian.County Court Judge Darren Steele issued the ruling after prosecutors presented…
Tim Walz To Head Up Vikings Cheerleader Squad
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Governor Tim Walz made a special appearance at U.S. Bank Stadium on Friday, marking his first appearance as head cheerleader for the Minnesota Vikings.During the team's final preseason game, Walz strutted onto the field to…
NFL Hoping A White Player Will Eventually Make It Into End Zone To See ‘End Racism’ Message
U.S. — The National Football League expressed hope that this would finally be the season when a white player would make it to the end zone and see the "End Racism" message.The NFL has diligently painted the message on hundreds of end…
Too Far? Trump Renames Hockey ‘Gay Ice Football’
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Concerns arose even within the White House that President Donald Trump may have taken his battle with Canada too far after he signed an executive order to rename hockey "Gay Ice Football."President Trump, however,…
Arte Moreno Finally Arrested For Gross Negligence Of The Los Angeles Angels
ANAHEIM, CA — The Los Angeles area of Anaheim breathed a collective sigh of relief today after authorities finally arrested owner Arte Moreno for his gross negligence of the Los Angeles Angels baseball team."Ladies and gentlemen, we got…
Texas High School Proposes Adding Academics To Its Football Program
TOMBALL, TX — Signaling a dramatic shift in focus from its longstanding tradition, a local high school proposed adding academics to its football program.Tomball High School, long known for its commitment to excellence in all things football,…
Bugs Bunny Declares For WNBA Draft
LOS ANGELES, CA — Officials for the Women's National Basketball Association announced this week they have received a letter of intent from Bugs Bunny to enter the draft.Despite being male, the beloved cartoon character reportedly exploited…