U.S.
Foul-Smelling Substance Used In Spray Attack On Ilhan Omar Identified As Somali Food
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — The malodorous substance sprayed on Representative Ilhan Omar at a town hall meeting has been identified as Somali food.A man seated on the front row of the town hall suddenly rose and began shouting at Omar midway through the…
Want To Resist ICE? Here Are 12 Things You Can Do Today
Is Trump's Gestapo getting on your nerves? Looking for ways to show support for undocumented Americans by standing up to federal law enforcement? You're not alone. Rest assured, there are things you can do to show you're part of…
Too Cold To Start Civil War Right Now, Nation Agrees
U.S. — The bitterly divided nation has finally agreed on one thing: it is just way too cold to start a civil war right now."Yeah, I'm not going out in this," said one American who otherwise would've been preparing to take up…
Nation Starting To Wonder If People Who Spend Life Singing Songs To Toddlers On YouTube Might Not Be All There Mentally
U.S. — Amid social and political tensions reaching new highs with violent clashes between government law enforcement and protesters, the nation revealed it had started to wonder if people who spend their lives singing songs to toddlers on…
U.S. Posts Minneapolis On Craigslist ($50 OBO)
U.S. — Seemingly at a loss as to how to solve the ongoing problems originating from the North Star State, everyone else in the United States reached a joint agreement to post Minnesota on Craigslist for $50 or best offer.The Somali fraud…
The Bee Reports: ICE’s 7 Most Horrifying Atrocities
With tensions continuing to mount over ICE operations in Minneapolis, the journalists at The Babylon Bee are on the ground to document the despicable actions carried out by ICE agents. Here are the seven most horrifying atrocities that we have…
Pam Bondi Says She Has Finally Figured Out What DOJ Stands For
U.S. — Attorney General Pam Bondi has announced that after almost a year on the job, she has finally figured out what the acronym "DOJ" stands for."It stands for 'Department of Justice.' That's really neat,"…
Minnesota Arrests Churchgoers For Interrupting Protest
SAINT PAUL, MN — The controversy that erupted over last Sunday morning was finally addressed by authorities, as Minnesota leaders ordered the arrest of churchgoers for interrupting a leftist protest.Following the incident in which journalist Don…
Trump To Convert Entire City Of Minneapolis Into Insane Asylum
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As part of the executive order to bring back mental institutions, President Trump announced this morning that he would begin by converting the entire city of Minneapolis into an insane asylum.The new executive order aims to…
After Learning Of Anti-ICE Target Protest, Wife Announces She Too Will Stand Up For Immigrants By Spending All Day In Target
GRAND RAPIDS, MI — After seeing reports of an anti-ICE protest at a Minnesota Target, local wife Beth Harris announced she would also stand up for the plights of immigrants by spending a day in Target."I care deeply about the issues,"…