U.S.
10 Other Departments Trump Is Renaming
The Department of Defense is officially being renamed the Department of War, but President Trump isn't going to stop there. A long list of government agencies is set to get the same treatment.The Babylon Bee has obtained the following list…
More Winning: Trump Bombs Ship Smuggling 30,000 Kilos Of Pumpkin Spice
U.S. — In the latest in an ongoing streak of victories that experts predicted would significantly improve the lives of Americans, President Donald Trump announced that he had ordered the U.S. military to bomb a ship smuggling over 30,000 kilos…
Hunter Biden Tells Dad He Going To Need A New Boat
REHOBOTH BEACH, DE — Hunter Biden informed his father today that, due to an unexpected malfunction, he is going to be needing a new boat.His prior boat apparently caught fire and exploded while going on a little outing through the southern…
Navy Recruitment Soars After Going Back To Blowing Up Pirates
U.S. — Recruitment for the United States Navy has soared overnight after going back to its roots of blowing up pirates.Once a fearsome force against armed hostile vessels attempting to reach American shores, the Navy had spent the last few…
Report: Chicago Shootings Down As The Official Guy Who Keeps Track Of All The Shootings Got Shot
CHICAGO, IL — City officials were relieved to get some unexpectedly positive news following the holiday weekend, as Chicago shootings were reportedly down, as the guy who keeps track of all the shootings got shot.The numbers came as a pleasant…
Kamala Harris Last Seen Fleeing Dozens Of International Assassins After Trump Cancels Her Secret Service Protection
LOS ANGELOS, CA — Following President Trump's recent cancellation of Kamala Harris' Secret Service protection, the former Vice-President was seen fleeing dozens of international assassins.The last-captured video footage of the former…
Overcorrection? Cracker Barrel Adds Confederate Flag To Logo And Changes Name To ‘The South Will Rise Again’
LEBANON, TN — Questions continue to swirl over whether perhaps Cracker Barrel went too far overcorrecting as it unveiled a logo featuring a Confederate flag and the new name "The South Will Rise Again."While the public had roundly…
Human Trafficker Says It’s Inhumane To Be Trafficked To Another Country
BALTIMORE, MD — As the public debate continued to rage over the Trump administration's immigration policies, one human trafficker asked for the government to reconsider deporting him on the grounds that it is inhumane to be trafficked to…
Genius Trump Enacts Plan To Dumb Down Chinese Population By Inviting Them To Attend American Universities
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In yet another genius move designed to weaken a rival nation, President Donald Trump enacted a plan to dumb down the Chinese population by inviting them to attend American universities.Trump's plan was praised by national…
Report: Kilmar Abrego Garcia Just One Away From Free Burrito On His Deportation Punch Card
BALTIMORE, MD — As the Trump administration prepared to make another attempt to send a dangerous foreigner with a criminal record out of the country, news broke that Kilmar Abrego Garcia was allegedly just one away from a free burrito on his…