U.S.
Tragic: Mamdani’s Auntie Slightly Uncomfortable At Supermarket After Australian Terror Attack
NEW YORK, NY — The leader of America's most prominent city experienced a family crisis today, as reports indicated that New York City Mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani's aunt felt slightly uncomfortable at a supermarket in the wake of the…
Candace Owens Honors Charlie Kirk’s Legacy By Doing Everything In Her Power To Destroy It
U.S. — Podcaster and amateur sleuth Candace Owens has vowed to honor Charlie Kirk's legacy by doing everything in her power to destroy it.Owens has pledged, for Charlie's sake, to stop at absolutely nothing to burn down the movement he…
Kilmar Abrego Garcia Uses Frequent Flyer Miles To Take Killer Disney Vacation
ORLANDO, FL — The much-publicized legal tug-of-war over his deportation finally paid off for illegal alien Kilmar Abrego Garcia, as he announced that he was using all the frequent flyer miles he racked up during the ordeal to take a killer…
California Family Still Waiting For Permit To Build Gingerbread House
PACIFIC PALISADES, CA — Bucking years of tradition, a family new to the California area had failed to build a single gingerbread house this Christmas season due to a backlog at the permit office."We're still waiting for the appropriate…
Trump Worried Reports Of Venezuelan Oil Tanker Seizure Have Ruined The Surprise Of Melania’s Christmas Gift
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump expressed concern that his wife, Melania, may now be aware of what he got her for Christmas after news reports surfaced that the U.S. military had seized a Venezuelan oil tanker this week.When the story…
Judge Finds Luigi Mangione Too Stunningly Handsome And Gorgeous To Stand Trial
NEW YORK, NY — In a shocking development in the case of a killer charged with murdering a health insurance executive, a New York judge found that Luigi Mangione was too stunningly handsome and gorgeous to stand trial.Though the prosecution had…
Toddler’s Magnetic Tile House Listed For $280K On Zillow
PHOENIX, AZ — Local toddler Carver Brett struck it rich earlier today after the magnetic tile house he built during naptime got listed on Zillow for $280,000.Sources say that Brett's creation was listed for a total time of 35.78 seconds…
Walz Reminds Nation Not All Somali Rapists Are Bad People
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Amid national outrage over Somali immigrants in Minneapolis raping people all the time, Minnesota Governor Tim Walz held a press conference to assure concerned citizens that not all Somali rapists are bad people."I'm…
Trump’s 2025 Spotify Wrap Reveals He Listened To ‘God Bless The USA’ 160,000 Times
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Americans received further proof that their president remained laser-focused on nothing but leading the country, as Donald Trump's Spotify Wrap revealed that he listened to "God Bless the USA" 160,000 times this…
TSA Warns Anyone Who Doesn’t Acquire A Real ID Will Be Sent To Line Manned By Creepy Kevin
SPRINGFIELD, VA — As the Department of Homeland Security sought to tighten security across the board for travelers around the country, the Transportation Security Administration announced that anyone who doesn't acquire a Real ID by the…