HOUSTON, TX — Major League Baseball history was made today, as longtime umpire CB Bucknor called the entire game from behind home plate without once looking up from his newspaper.
The embattled umpire brushed off the intense criticism he had faced over the inaccuracy of his calls during the opening week of the season to make it through all nine innings behind the dish while remaining completely focused on this morning’s edition of USA Today.
“Strike?” Bucknow said inconclusively following one pitch from Astros starting pitcher Mike Burrows.
Astros catcher Yainer Diaz and Nationals batter CJ Abrams were both seen looking back toward Bucknor, who did not look up from his newspaper, before looking at each other and shrugging their shoulders.
Bucknor’s eyes remained fixed on the sports section of the paper as Burrows fired another pitch to the plate. “Ball,” he mumbled, apparently unaware that Abrams had hit a line drive to the gap in left-center.
Following the game, Bucknor humbly acted as though his achievement was unimportant. “There was a baseball game? When?” he asked reporters while he was still reading his newspaper.
At publishing time, analysts looking over the data after the game were shocked to discover that Bucknor’s umpiring was 10 times more accurate when he made his calls without looking.
Do you think you can guess which one is the terrorist?
