Chicago Police Assure Residents Those Loud Popping Noises Are Just Gunshots

CHICAGO, IL — After fielding a flood of calls complaining of loud popping noises, the Chicago Police Department issued a statement assuring residents that those were just gun shots.

City officials reminded residents that discharging fireworks within city limits carries fines and potential criminal penalties, while also noting that the familiar staccato soundtrack of neighborhood gunfire should not be mistaken for any sort of holiday celebration.

“These noises are nothing to be alarmed about,” said Police Chief Larry Snelling. “Chicagoans can rest easy that we have not seen any illegal fireworks, and the loud ‘bangs’ that residents are hearing are nothing but gunfire. There’s been an uptick in gang battles as well as criminals shooting bullets into the sky for fun, but that’s all. Everything is under control.”

The Chicago community breathed a collective sigh of relief upon hearing the announcement from the Police Department. “Oh, phew. Just gun battles. Go back to playing, kiddos” said local woman Julia Denison, enjoying a family day at the park. “I was starting to really get worried, there were just so many explosion sounds. I thought maybe someone was shooting roman candles or something. Yeesh, can you imagine?”

At publishing time, the Chicago Police had issued a statement assuring residents that an especially loud explosion overnight was just from a gang using a rocket-propelled grenade.