Dad Disappointed As Thompson Submachine Gun-Shaped Box Turns Out To Be Socks

CLEVELAND, OH — While opening a present shaped like a Tommy gun, local father Fred Reinfeld was once again disappointed to discover it was only socks.

“Huh. I was really sure this was going to be a M1928 Thompson Submachine Gun,” Reinfeld said, before quickly catching himself. “I mean — cool. Socks.”

According to sources, Reinfeld hadn’t actually expected to receive a Thompson Submachine Gun for Christmas, but when he saw the box in the corner shaped exactly like a Tommy gun he couldn’t help but think of the possibilities. “Just once I would like to hold a Chicago typewriter and say, ‘Take that, coppers!’ before firing it off at the shooting range,” he said. “It’s my dream.”

Also known as a trench broom or prohibition piano, the Thompson Submachine Gun with optional drum magazine is capable of firing 50-100 rounds 600-725 rounds per minute, which Reinfeld has confirmed is “really neat” and “way better than socks.”

“Really, it’s on me for getting my hopes up. Why would my family get me a Tommy gun? That’s, heh, that’s silly,” he said, unable to hide his disappointment.

At publishing time, Reinfeld’s wife, who had done all the Christmas shopping herself without any help, was once again disappointed that her husband didn’t like his gifts.