MEDITERRANEAN SEA — Terror struck a humanitarian mission on its way to Gaza, as the crew and passengers of the Global Sumud Flotilla reported a loud, jarring noise accompanied by a bright flash of light and heat, leading them to believe that doom was imminent.
While anchored off the coast of a Tunisian port, professional activist Greta Thunberg was heard by witnesses shouting for others on board to seek immediate shelter in an attempt to find safety from what was believed to be a military strike on the flotilla.
“Hit the deck! We’re under attack!” Thunberg cried. “Engage all defensive measures! Pull anchor! Load the starboard cannons and get to your stations!”
The crisis was averted, however, after it was discovered that the commotion had been caused by a frozen burrito exploding in the galley microwave. “Turns out it wasn’t a drone attack after all,” said another passenger. “Sven got hungry and popped a bean and cheese burrito into the microwave and set the timer for too long. He said he got distracted playing Uno with the crew and forgot about the burrito. It totally sounded like a missile strike when it blew, though.”
Thunberg later made a public statement on the incident. “This changes nothing,” she said. “We will not be deterred by exploding burritos. We will continue our voyage to Gaza to provide the aid needed by the Palestinian people. Burritos have now been banned from the flotilla. No more burritos!”
At publishing time, Thunberg had alleged that the exploding burrito in question had been planted on board the vessel by Israel in an attempt to prevent it from reaching its destination.
Tony asks questions about everything in his life. Is he a crazy conspiracy theorist?
