Local Church Under Fire For ‘Book Of Judges’ VBS Theme

MARBLE FALLS, TX — A local church found itself under fire this week after this year’s Vacation Bible School theme centered around the biblical book ook of Judges, complete with lessons on murder by jawbone and swords engulfed in belly fat.

Parents reportedly expressed concern after their elementary-age children came home describing their favorite new VBS activity, “Pin The Tent Peg On Sisera.”

“You put the tent peg where?” asked local mom Rebecca Collins. “Goodness gracious. What happened to singing little songs and doing macaroni art? Wait a minute, why are you tying a torch to the dog’s tail?”

Church staff defended the curriculum, stating that the book of Judges had never been done for VBS before. “We don’t pick and choose with Scripture,” explained Youth Pastor Matt Henderson. “We’ve taken great care to adapt all of the lessons to be age-appropriate. For snack time, we start off by having the kids drive a peg into a watermelon and shout ‘Thus perish all Your enemies!’ Then, we all dig in. I think it really drives the lesson home, if you take my meaning.”

Children reported other Judges-themed activities and snacks, including bashing apart piñatas shaped like the Levite’s concubine and enjoying snacks of grapes labeled as “Samson’s Eyeballs.”

At publishing time, church leaders had announced that next year’s VBS would be based on II Kings and entitled “Wrath of the She-Bears.”