MILWAUKEE, WI — Local man Ed Clayfield reportedly saved himself an extended period of suffering by hiring members of the Academy Awards Orchestra to perform the “Wrap It Up” music whenever his wife’s stories go too long.
“I got the idea back in 1999 when Gwyneth Paltrow won for Shakespeare in Love,” Clayfield said. “I figured if it could work on her, it could work on anybody.”
According to Clayfield, the pleasant rhythm of a full orchestra lessens the impact of being told to “get to the point,” and even on those occasions when it backfires and makes his wife angry, she just gets mad at the orchestra.
“Ugh, stop the music! I need to tell my husband — Oh, forget it!” Nancy Clayfield said as a row of cellos joined in with the violas and flutes. Meanwhile, a lone trombone seemingly wailed in pain.
“Ope, sorry. We’ve got to head to a break,” her husband said, hearing the orchestra chime in as his wife tried to talk about her feelings.
Nancy Clayfield stammered and walked out of the room with a last word, “Uh, thank you! Thank you very much, I love you all!”
At publishing time, Ed Clayfield’s plan appeared to have backfired after his wife was cut off by the orchestra as she tried to explain why she’d spent $795 at Target.
The news media seems to be having a problem reporting the news.
