CROMWELL, CT — On a chilly spring morning, local man Jim Harbor reportedly paused to consider whether what he was missing in life was Jesus or a really cool jacket.
“Well, I’m a little chilly, so I probably do need a cool new jacket,” he thought. “Still, I don’t know if the jacket will really fill this void in me.”
According to sources, the nagging feeling of emptiness hit Harbor as he went hiking in nearby River Highlands State Park. According to Harbor, the woods projected onto him a feeling of peaceful misery. “I felt both humbled at the majesty of this world and also empty, as if I was lacking something — it felt as if a great force beyond my perception was tugging at my very soul, calling me to submission,” he said. “It was a profoundly spiritual moment for me and I began to contemplate the state of my soul and whether this Jesus guy truly was real.”
“But, I was also pretty cold. So, I also started thinking maybe it was time to shop for a sweet jacket.”
Nearly a half hour away, the feeling of emptiness came upon him again as he shopped for a cool new jacket in Farmington. “Is this really the answer?” thought Harbor as he looked at himself in the mirror. “It’s really nice, but I’m not sure if it’s the answer to these existential quandaries.”
At publishing time, Harbor had begun to consider the possibility that perhaps he needed both the awesome jacket and Jesus.
Do you think you can guess which one is the terrorist?
