SALT LAKE CITY, UT — Local man Tony Flanders noted that, by the looks of it, his next-door neighbor was either very, very wealthy or in massive amounts of debt.
“I don’t know how they’re doing it,” Flanders remarked to his wife. “Every day, it seems like there’s a truck out front delivering new furniture and or a new car in the driveway. How on earth are they affording all that?”
Flanders spent the better part of Monday afternoon trying to figure it all out. “I know he works in real estate or something, but that could be anything,” he said. “Maybe he’s a big-wig developer, or maybe he’s the guy who cleans the carpets in new houses. Whatever they’re up to, they’re either super-duper rich or super-duper in debt. It’s one or the other.”
His wife, Cami, reminded him that they’re doing just fine with money and that they don’t need a lot of expensive stuff to make them happy.
“That car they drive is easily an $80 thousand SUV,” Cami remarked. “I don’t know how they afford it, but our minivan is probably just as functional, and it costs less than half that, and we don’t have any payments on it. So unless they walked into a dealership with $80 thousand in cash… I mean, I guess they could have that kind of money lying around, but that would be crazy.”
The Flanders family also speculated that maybe the neighbors inherited a bunch of money or won a lawsuit or something.
At publishing time, another truck had pulled up to deliver a brand-new 100-inch LED TV to the neighbors’ house, triggering another 45-minute discussion about whether or not the neighbors might secretly run a huge crystal meth operation.
Do you think you can guess which one is the terrorist?
