NEW YORK, NY — In a reversal of yesterday’s announcement, Rockstar Games revealed that the hotly anticipated Grand Theft Auto VI is, in fact, available now. Rockstar President and co-founder Sam Houser confirmed that the game was finally completed and ready for digital download immediately — unfortunately, the trumpet of God has sounded and everyone is now out of time.
“Well, this is just bad luck,” said James McNort, a Christian. “I know they’re not the most appropriate games, but I really wanted to see how this one turned out, and you’re telling me I have to go to Heaven instead?”
Other gamers were not as sure of their eternal fate but looked forward to playing the game nonetheless.
“But I’ve been waiting years for this,” said one fan being sifted like wheat and found wanting. “Can I at least try it out before the earth and all the elements melt with fervent heat?”
The Four Horsemen had been sighted but could not be reached for comment.
As mankind entered final judgment, several people expressed disappointment that they wouldn’t get to play GTA VI before the end.
“I go now to a spiritual abode of eternal rest, a place I have long sought for in tears as I followed the eternal Christ,” said Dan Hayter. “I just kind of wish I could have played GTA first.”
At publishing time, the fallen people who were left behind had found some solace in being able to play GTAVI amidst the ruins of the earth, at least for as long as their generator held out.
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