Thomas Massie Finally Recognized As True Libertarian Now That He Doesn’t Have A Job

GARRISON, KY — Congressman Thomas Massie has finally been recognized as a true libertarian after becoming unemployed.

Libertarians fully embraced Massie after he lost his primary election to retired Navy SEAL Ed Gallrein, welcoming him into the fullness of the group’s ideals.

“He’s truly one of us now ,” said libertarian Marcus Swanson. “I haven’t had a real job in 16 years, unless you count that time I sold homemade hacky sacks at the farmer’s market a few years ago. Massie will finally fit in.”

Thomas Massie officially ran as a Republican, though he has often described himself as a libertarian throughout his tenure in Congress. Massie’s steadfast commitment to voting “no” on every single bill or resolution put him in the crosshairs of traditional conservatives, eventually causing him to fall out of favor with the GOP. Though out of a job, Massie took solace in having never helped pass a bill during his time in Congress.

“No job, eh?” Libertarian Brandon Hogle said. “I like his style. Jobs are for people who pay taxes, and I don’t know if you know this, but taxation is theft, bro.”

At publishing time, Massie’s new libertarian support base reminded him that he’s only allowed to shower once a year.