WASHINGTON, D.C. — The political world was set on edge once again on Wednesday, with experts urging everyone to prepare for the worst as President Donald Trump threatened to nuke a local used car dealership unless it agreed to come down another $500 on a 2017 Chevy Malibu.
The tense negotiations hit a breaking point earlier in the week, as the president sought to get a good deal on a used car for one of his grandchildren. After the dealership stated that it would not lower its price any further on the vehicle, Trump responded by threatening to end the car lot’s “whole civilization.”
“Don’t think I won’t do it,” Trump reportedly told the used car salesman, Brad. “Your 47 years of corruption and terror will come to an end tonight. I’m not messing around. Take off another $500 before 8 P.M., or I’ll unleash fury unlike anything anyone has ever seen. You don’t want to find out, believe me. Bring the price down, or I’ll bring down your entire world. Just try me. Lower the price, you evil psychopaths!”
Following several hours of intense discussions between the two sides, Trump announced that a tentative agreement had been reached to put off any strikes. “They have made it known that they are willing to make concessions,” Trump later posted to Truth Social. “They know I mean business, and they’ve agreed to come back to the table. I will say that it’s in their best interests, and the best interests of everything they know and love, to make a deal. It’s a great day for world peace and getting a great deal on a Chevy Malibu. Thank you for your attention to this matter.”
At publishing time, the White House had confirmed that Trump had agreed to purchase the 2017 Malibu for an additional $300 off.
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