Top 10 Miracles Performed By President Trump

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Lost amid the controversy swirling around the image he posted to social media depicting him as a religious figure are the truly miraculous signs that have been performed by President Donald Trump. Don’t believe it? They’re well-documented.

The Babylon Bee has compiled the following list of Trump’s top miracles:

1. Raising Mitch McConnell from the dead 58 times: And that’s just this year.

2. Curing Barron’s dwarfism: Some say he over-cured it, but still.

3. Walking on a golf course water hazard at Mar-a-Lago to reach the green: So powerful he has no need for a golf cart.

4. Making an old, lame man get up and walk out of the Oval Office: Witnesses said Joe Biden had been crippled for years.

5. Turning water into Diet Coke: People who attended Dan Scavino’s wedding were amazed.

6. Casting Hillary Clinton out of Washington, D.C.: Word has it she shudders at the mere mention of his name.

7. Demolishing the East Wing of the White House to rebuild it in just 1,053 days: Bigger, better, and more beautiful than ever before. Everyone is saying so.

8. Steve Bannon was healed of his leprosy by just touching the hem of Trump’s suit jacket: He may not look like it, but he says he’s healed.

9. Calming a media storm by saying, “Quiet, Piggie!”: Even the reporters and journalists obey him.

10. Getting elected president three times: Or… will it be four?

There’s no telling what amazing feat he will perform next. What are your favorite Trump miracles? Post them in the comments below.

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Steve and Timpani’s continued adjustment to all things Texas hits a speed bump when Timpani’s sister, Brittuni, arrives.