U.S. — The nation is mourning the death of former Vice President Dick Cheney, who has tragically passed away without getting to see World War III.
The renowned politician, avid hunter of both animals and men, and 43rd most popular Vice President, passed away peacefully at 84, surrounded by family.
“He dedicated his life to achieving his dream of devastating global conflict, and it’s a shame he passed before any of his work came to fruition,” said close friend John Bolton while adding his signature to the latest batch of bombs coming off the assembly line. “We can only do our best to carry on his legacy until this wretched sphere is baptized in the holy fires of thermonuclear war.”
“It’s what Dick would want.”
Cheney was known for vastly increasing the surveillance state, his aggressive foreign policy of invading Iraq and Afghanistan, and also for shooting a dude in the face. “We have lost a titan,” said Bolton.
At publishing time, reports from the celestial realm reported Cheney had opted to go to Hell after hearing it had oil.
What happens when a politically divided family sit down for a “peaceful” dinner?
