WASHINGTON, D.C. — In order to limit interruptions at tonight’s White House Correspondents Dinner, President Donald Trump requested that Democrats please hold all assassination attempts until after his speech.
Trump gave Democrats a tentative agenda for the evening to help plan their attempts on his life around his speech.
“Hold your gunfire until the end, please,” said Trump. “I spent so long working on this speech, and it’s so beautiful, even more beautiful than the last speech I had planned for this event, if you can believe it. You’re going to love it so much, and you’ll be so glad you waited until it was over to start the shooting. It will be tremendous and worth the trouble of pushing back your assassination attempts by an hour, believe me.”
According to internal sources, Democrats were divided over whether to honor the president’s request. “Do you remember how much wine we got to steal last time because we did it before dinner?” said CBS correspondent Lacy Jones. “I get he wants to give his little speech, but that’s a big ask on this short of notice to postpone that many kill attempts. I just don’t know. I’m torn.”
At publishing time, Democrats had decided to just take one shot before dinner and, if Trump survived, to hold off on the remaining attempts until after his speech.
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