NEW YORK, NY — The 81st General Assembly of the United Nations entered a high-level week of talks this week, with delegates demanding that the world take the organization seriously.
For years, the UN had been largely ignored by the world’s population, prompting speech after speech from delegates demanding to be recognized, or face the full might of further symbolic resolutions.
“We are basically a one-world government, we should be feared,” said UN spokesperson Stéphane Dujarric. “Don’t you understand that we hold the fate of the world in our hands in a sort of symbolic sense? We can just declare things as genocide and — BOOM — they become genocide. On paper. Just our papers, though.”
Though President Donald Trump addressed the assembly on Monday, he did not echo the UN’s sentiment. Sources close to the matter suggested that Trump reminded the UN that they were “a bunch of weirdos and losers,” labels the UN delegates vehemently denied.
“We’ve done a lot of work giving speeches and banging gavels, we can’t let Trump undermine our hard work trying to be taken seriously,” said General Assembly President Dr. Khailulur Rahman of Bangladesh. “I stand ready to give him a stern look if he speaks against us. If that doesn’t work, then a very strongly worded letter or reprimand. That will show him.”
At publishing time, a poll of U.S. citizens revealed that the average American was surprised to learn that the United Nations still existed.
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