Brought to you by: Convoy of Hope
Ladies, sometimes you just have to tell your husband a really long, meandering story involving people he doesn’t really know doing things that don’t pertain to him. The important thing is knowing when is the right time to do it.
The Babylon Bee is here to help wives everywhere by giving you the following list of perfect times to interrupt what he’s doing to tell him a story:
-
The last 2 minutes of his team’s playoff game: The tighter the score, the better.
-
When he turns his nightstand lamp off and lays his head on his pillow: He wouldn’t do those things if he actually wanted to sleep.
-
On a transcontinental flight: It’s not like he can go anywhere.
-
When he’s halfway out the door to go hang out with the guys: You can also try stopping the story to do something else and make him wait for you to come back to the story.
-
As soon as he’s holding something incredibly heavy: Make sure you don’t start until after he has already lifted it, though.
-
When you can tell he needs to go to the bathroom: Hearing you out is far more important than urgent bodily functions.
-
When he’s got the burglar pinned down and he’s screaming at you to call 9-1-1: Save your longest stories for moments like this.
-
Any time he asks you what you bought at Target today: By the end of your story, he won’t even remember asking you.
-
Right after you finish telling your last long story: Everyone loves a good sequel.
And don’t worry, he’ll be happy to stop and listen to your long story in any of the situations listed above, even if he doesn’t show it. When are other ideal times to tell your husband a really long story that seems like it doesn’t have any point or ending? Post them in the comments below.
NOT SATIRE: Cluck the Halls: for Convoy of Hope’s 20,000 Chickens
This Christmas, say no to snooze-fest gifts like fuzzy Santa slippers and bring cheer by giving to Convoy of Hope’s mission to gift 20,000 chickens to families in need. For just $5 per chicken, you can fund feathered powerhouses that lay eggs, generate income, and crack open brighter futures in developing countries. Through Convoy of Hope’s mission, your donation pairs chickens with agricultural training and resources, empowering families to escape poverty’s grip. Why settle for another tacky reindeer mug when you can deliver life-changing hope?
Leana, a Nicaraguan housewife, faced despair in 2025 when the pandemic left her husband jobless, with debts piling up. “I was scared we’d suffer,” she said. Convoy’s Agriculture program taught her chicken farming, and the 50 chickens she received transformed her life. She paid off debts, built a thriving farm, and found joy, saying, “Thanks to God and Convoy, I feel cheerful.”
Your gift can spark the same hope for thousands. Donate to help meet our 20,000 chicken goal, turning holiday cheer into lasting impact for families worldwide this season.
What happens when a politically divided family sit down for a “peaceful” dinner?












