MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA — Google announced an update for its popular Google Maps application that would automatically subtract an hour from travel time if it knows a dad is driving.
“Dads statistically make fewer stops, race to get ahead of semis, and pretend they’re driving cool spy cars with a sense of urgency,” explained Google CEO Sundar Pichai. “Now Google Maps is designed to anticipate that behavior and calculate it into a trip’s ETA.”
According to Google Maps’ latest patch notes, inputting a trip destination will now activate a highly sophisticated algorithm capable of determining if a dad is driving.
“This is extremely sophisticated software,” Google developer Jack Wong explained. “The user doesn’t need to do anything but drive, and it’ll intuitively understand if you’re a dad by your driving patterns and how often you say, ‘pew pew,’ while pretending to blow up other cars.”
At publishing time, Google Maps had come under fire after a woman who identified as a man said the application routinely added three hours to her travel time.
The news media seems to be having a problem reporting the news.
