‘The View’ Announces All-New Cast Of Angry Middle-Aged Women

U.S. — Longtime daytime talk show “The View” has announced that next season will feature an all-new cast of angry middle-aged women.

After years of occasional changes among the show’s personalities, ABC has moved to replaced all five of the previous hosts, though it is sticking with the archetype of emotional middle-aged women.

“We’re ready for a fresh set of high-pitched, seething voices,” said showrunner Denette Holman. “The chemistry we are seeing in the new group of hosts is wonderful. The rants, the cattiness, the imminent menopause, it’s all there. We’re looking forward to a great season.”

Focus groups comprised of ‘The View’ fans gave high marks to the pilot episode with the new hosts. “It’s really a seamless transition. You can hardly tell the difference, except fewer of them wear glasses,” said longtime fan Jennifer Mobley. “They talked over each other so well, with their voices absolutely dripping with contempt for the masses. I think it’s going to be a huge success.”

At publishing time, producers had asked the new hosts to tone down the shrieking just a touch.