Bad Sign? Big Mac Now Listed As ‘Market Price’

CHICAGO, IL — The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics revealed on Tuesday that America may be heading into a major economic depression following the announcement by the McDonald’s Corporation that Big Macs will now be listed at “market price.”

According to sources, the entire McDonald’s menu had seen increases across the board, but no items were so hard on consumers as the fluctuating price of a Big Mac, which changes day to day based on the current market price.

“People will do anything for two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, and onions on a sesame seed bun,” McDonald’s CEO Chris Kempczinski said of the company’s reasoning behind the dramatic price change. “Just be glad we’re not demanding your firstborn, peasant.”

McDonald’s customers, not known to frequent upscale seafood restaurants where items are often listed at market price, found themselves befuddled by the large “market price” label. Initial confusion led to a sharp decrease in sales as customers were simply too afraid to ask about it, until McDonald’s marketing geniuses included additional verbiage to turn market price into a fun game.

“What does the Big Mac cost today? Search the restaurant for clues and unlock great taste!” a poster at every location read.

According to sources, Big Mac market prices range anywhere from $8.39 to $449.99.

At publishing time, sales of the Big Mac had declined sharply due to anti-social customers being too afraid to ask what the current price was.