JUPITER, FL — The black half of professional golfer Tiger Woods was tased by police at the scene where the Asian half of Tiger Woods had wrecked his car.
Woods’ Asian half had just managed to roll his vehicle on its side while driving in a neighborhood, only to exit the car and have his black half get nailed by a taser.
“Tough break there,” said CBS commentator Jim Nantz, watching the video. “Tiger needs to let the black half do the driving and the Asian half talk to the police. He could really use a race caddy to help in these situations. You’ve got to select the right ethnicity for the right situation, and Tiger obviously needs guidance. He needs a professional on the race bag, so to speak.”
According to law enforcement, Woods’ black half will be charged with resisting arrest while his Asian half will be charged with reckless driving. Legal analysts stated that law enforcement will likely seek to revoke the driver’s license for Woods’ Asian half for at least one year. “For public safety, we want to ensure that only Tiger’s black half is behind the wheel,” said Sheriff Marty Granger. “And we advise Tiger to remember from now on to be Asian when interacting with law enforcement.”
At publishing time, Kamala Harris had offered to coach Woods on how to switch ethnicities.
Do you think you can guess which one is the terrorist?
