Celebs
Travis Kelce Victimized By Criminal Ring That Forces People To Dress Like Idiots
KANSAS CITY, MO — One of football's biggest stars was revealed to have fallen prey to scammers, as Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce was victimized by a criminal ring that forces people to dress like idiots.The future hall-of-famer made the…
Macklemore Performs Concert In Gaza And Oh No! They’ve Thrown Him Off A Roof
GAZA — In a bold act of solidarity, Grammy-winning rapper Macklemore staged a surprise rooftop concert in Gaza on Wednesday, performing his gay anthem "Same Love," before being promptly thrown off the roof by terrorists.Before his…
Sydney Sweeney Tries To Gain Support Of Liberal Women By Murdering Multiple Children
LOS ANGELES, CA — Scandal struck Hollywood this week, as actress and businesswoman Sydney Sweeney attempted to gain support among liberal women by murdering multiple children.After facing increasing backlash from progressive women due to her…
Dave Ramsey Appalled As Millennial Caller Admits He’s Paid Full Price For ‘Ocarina Of Time’ On 7 Different Occasions
U.S. — The Ramsey Show was cut short on Wednesday when host Dave Ramsey became obviously frustrated with a millennial caller who confessed to paying full price for The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time on seven different occasions.The caller was…
Powerful: Gloria Steinem Refuses To Allow Satan To Hold Door To Hell Open For Her
HELL — Feminist icon Gloria Steinem refused to allow Satan to hold the door open for her on the way into hell, in what many are calling her final act against the Patriarchy."No way," Steinem said as the Devil attempted to hold the door…
Tucker Carlson Spends 380th Consecutive Episode Criticizing Country Nobody Is Allowed To Criticize
U.S. — Former Fox News host turned podcaster Tucker Carlson released a groundbreaking 380th consecutive episode criticizing the one country that Carlson says no one is allowed to criticize.The episode, entitled "Why Can't Anyone Talk…
Tucker Carlson Spends 380th Consecutive Episode Criticizing Country Nobody Is Allowed To Criticize
U.S. — Former Fox News host turned podcaster Tucker Carlson released a groundbreaking 380th consecutive episode criticizing the one country that Carlson says no one is allowed to criticize.The episode, entitled "Why Can't Anyone Talk…
Billie Eilish Introduces New Fragrance Socialism’ On Sale Now For $72,000
U.S. — Singer-songwriter Billie Eilish unveiled a brand-new perfume on Friday called "Socialism," which will retail for just $72,000.Eilish, a staunch opponent of capitalism, sought to create a fragrance that, like its namesake, would…
Grim Reaper Spins ‘Wheel Of Death’ To See Which Person He Will Take Next
THE UNDERWORLD — The Grim Reaper was reportedly seen preparing to use his "Wheel of Death" to see which person to visit next.Following the deaths of country music icon Dolly Parton and actor Tim Curry, Death was hard at work…
Residents Of Heaven Torn Between Attending Chuck Norris’s Martial Arts Seminar And Going To Dolly Parton Show
HEAVEN — Heaven's residents admitted conflict between having to chose between spending the afternoon at Chuck Norris's martial arts demonstration or heading over to listen to the new Dolly Parton Show."Man, this is tough!"…