Celebs
Black Half Of Tiger Woods Tased By Cops After Asian Half Crashes Car
JUPITER, FL — The black half of professional golfer Tiger Woods was tased by police at the scene where the Asian half of Tiger Woods had wrecked his car.Woods' Asian half had just managed to roll his vehicle on its side while driving in a…
Trump Releases Line Of Sympathy Cards
U.S. — Separate from his work as the nation's commander in chief, President Donald Trump announced that he was releasing a line of specialty sympathy cards he had written himself.Following his pointed statement about the passing of former…
‘Fear Not!’ Says Chuck Norris To Calm Trembling Angels
HEAVEN — A group of seraphim guarding the gates of Heaven was terrified yesterday by the sudden appearance of legendary martial artist and action star Chuck Norris, who passed into glory at the earthly age of 86."Fear not!" Norris…
‘The Injuns Are A-Comin!’ Cries Billie Eilish Loading Musket To Defend Home From Tribe Of Redskins
LOS ANGELES, CA — According to sources, American singer-songwriter Billie Eilish successfully defended her land from members of the Tonga Tribe, an indigenous people native to the LA basin, who claim her home is built on their land."The…
Peter Dinklage Receives Little Praise After Taking Short Time To Recite Small Poem
NEW YORK, NY — Actor Peter Dinklage was reportedly a wee bit annoyed and expressed slight disappointment that he received little praise from the general public after taking a short time to recite a small poem at an anti-ICE protest over the…
Bruce Springsteen Threatens To Keep Releasing Songs Until Deportations Stop
COLTS NECK, NJ — After putting out a new song titled "Streets of Minneapolis" as a show of support for anti-ICE protesters, musician Bruce Springsteen issued a statement threatening to keep releasing songs until deportations were…
Ms. Rachel Apologizes For Accidentally Spray-Painting ‘Go Away Jews’ On A Synagogue
NEW YORK, NY — The woman behind YouTube's most popular and beloved educational content for children found herself in hot water, as Ms. Rachel issued a public apology for accidentally spray-painting "GO AWAY JEWS" on a…
St. Peter Shows Scott Adams To His Glorious Heavenly Cubicle
HEAVEN — Celestial sources say that Scott Adams, creator of the "Dilbert" comic strip, has just been shown to the glorious heavenly cubicle where he will spend the rest of eternity praising God.According to St. Peter, the renowned…
Benny Johnson Reacts To Benny Johnson Reacting To Benny Johnson
U.S. — In a brand new Benny Johnson video, media personality Benny Johnson reacts to a Benny Johnson video where he reacts to an older Benny Johnson tweet about a Benny Johnson video.'Benny Johnson's official X account posted the…
Exclusive Sneak Peek At Next Year’s AmFest Lineup
The curtain had not yet fallen on Turning Point USA's AmFest 2025 before rumors swirled about how they were going to top it next year. How do you follow up such a wild show?The Babylon Bee has obtained the following exclusive sneak peek at…