Sports
Nation Kicks Off Fundraiser To Get Mamdani To Hug The Dodgers
LOS ANGELES, CA — A grassroots movement among baseball fans appears to have gained significant traction in recent weeks as fans beg New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani to "please" hug the Dodgers mascot.According to sources, the New…
Mamdani Orders Visiting Teams To Redistribute Some Of Their Runs To The Mets
NEW YORK, NY — In a bold new effort to address what he referred to as "run inequality," Mayor Zohran Mamdani ordered that a percentage of runs scored by each visiting MLB team be redistributed to the struggling New York Mets.In order…
Baseball Manager Pins Loss On Fan Who Failed To Put His Lucky Socks On Today
KANSAS CITY, MO — Kansas City Royals manager Matt Quatraro pinned the team's loss on local fan Jim Greller, who failed to put on his lucky socks today.After losing 0-2 to the Chicago White Sox, Quatraro looked up accusingly to section 317,…
Experts Rule Game Not A Sport If You Can Smoke An Entire Pack Of Cigs While Playing
U.S. — A group of sports science experts have ruled that a game cannot be classified as a sport if it is possible to smoke an entire pack of cigarettes while playing. Further, the group ruled that if a person could play a game at a championship…
Lucky Hockey Fan Catches Foul Tooth
ANAHEIM, CA — During Thursday night's hockey game between the San Jose Sharks and Anaheim Ducks, one lucky fan reportedly created a lifelong memory when he caught a foul tooth."It looks like that tooth is going south for the…
San Francisco Unveils New City Connect Jersey
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — The San Francisco Giants unveiled their new City Connect jerseys today with a nod to the feces makes the city so unique.Fans have embraced the new jerseys, which appear to essentially be a heavy cotton poop emoji with holes…
Nike Releases New Tiger Woods Ad Campaign ‘Just Use Your Billion Dollars To Hire A Full-Time Driver’
U.S. — Sporting apparel giant Nike has released a new ad campaign alongside Tiger Woods, featuring the slightly updated slogan "Just Use Your Billion Dollars To Hire A Full-Time Driver".After years of using the cryptic slogan…
Braves, Angels brawl as Jorge Soler and Reynaldo López exchange punches
The Atlanta Braves and Los Angeles Angels erupted into a benches-clearing brawl Tuesday night in Anaheim, with punches thrown and players piling in during Atlanta’s 7-2 win. At the center of it all were Jorge Soler and Reynaldo López. With two…
Tragic: Blind Child Received Sight Back But First Thing He Saw Was Boston Red Sox Game
BOSTON, MA — In a heartbreaking turn of events, the first thing seen by a blind child who had his sight restored was a Boston Red Sox game.Seven-year-old Liam Makowski underwent an experimental stem cell procedure at Boston Children's…
Baseball Traditionalists Long For Good Ol’ Days Of Games Being Decided By Horrifically Bad Calls
U.S. — The installation of the Automated Ball-Strike System in Major League Baseball has left traditionalists longing for the days when games were decided by absurdly awful calls.Baseball purists lashed out against the sudden reduction of…