U.S.
Report: Kilmar Abrego Garcia Just One Away From Free Burrito On His Deportation Punch Card
BALTIMORE, MD — As the Trump administration prepared to make another attempt to send a dangerous foreigner with a criminal record out of the country, news broke that Kilmar Abrego Garcia was allegedly just one away from a free burrito on his…
Trump Orders Visa Review Of Anyone With One Of Those Squiggly Line N’s In Their Name
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As part of the administration's ongoing effort to remove illegal immigrants, President Trump has ordered the visa status reviewed of anyone with one of those weird "squiggly line n's" in their name.In…
10 Most Shocking Discoveries From The John Bolton FBI Raid
The Maryland home of former National Security Advisor John Bolton was raided by government agents today, leaving the public wondering what the FBI was looking for — and what they found.Utilizing an intricate network of media and government…
California Fines Family For Building Sandcastle Without Coastal Commission Approval
OCEANSIDE, CA — A family's beach trip ended in disaster after they were cited by a state official for building a sand castle together without prior authorization from the California Coastal Commission.Witnesses said that the Wilson family…
Waffle House Unveils Successful Brand Strategy Of Just Keeping Everything The Same Forever
NORCROSS, GA — Following the public relations disaster Cracker Barrel experienced this week after it introduced its new logo, popular restaurant chain Waffle House unveiled a successful strategy of just keeping everything the same forever.The…
Black Mesa Research Facility Fails Another OSHA Inspection
NEW MEXICO — The government-funded Black Mesa Research Facility is currently in danger of being shut down after being hit with yet another OSHA violation.The facility, which conducts advanced scientific and technological research, was reportedly…
John Bolton Eludes FBI By Blending Into A Herd Of Walruses
BETHESDA, MD — Federal agents raided the home of former National Security Advisor John Bolton on Friday as part of a security probe involving classified documents. Unfortunately, the whereabouts of Bolton were currently unknown, as it was…
Peacemaker: Trump Negotiates Historic Truce Between IPhone And Android Users
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Continuing his string of pulling off peace treaties that many thought to be impossible, President Donald Trump announced that he had successfully negotiated a historic truce between iPhone and Android users.The history-making…
Trump Orders Smithsonian To Display Exhibit Of Old Cracker Barrel Logo
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As part of his comprehensive overhaul of America's national museums, President Donald Trump ordered the Smithsonian to display an exhibit of the now-defunct Cracker Barrel logo.Trump vowed that the beloved piece of…
California Issues Commercial Driver’s License To Stevie Wonder
LOS ANGELES, CA — The California state government is once again under fire after the revelation that it issued a Commercial Driver's License to famed blind pianist Stevie Wonder.Wonder was reportedly issued the CDL due to his status as…