U.S.
Minnesota Added To Trump’s Third-World Travel Ban
U.S. — In addition to preventing people from entering the United States from various nations around the world, the White House revealed on Tuesday that Minnesota had been added to President Trump's third-world travel ban.The additional…
Hegseth Halts U.S. Demand For Illegal Drugs By Drone Striking Hunter Biden
U.S. — In a shift from addressing the issue of foreign narcotics trade by attacking cartel boats, Secretary of War Pete Hegseth announced that he had halted demand in the U.S. for illegal drugs by drone striking Hunter Biden.Hegseth held a press…
‘That Ukraine-Russia Peace Deal? I Brokered It. Me!’ Marco Rubio Tells Everyone At Thanksgiving Kids’ Table
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Sources at the White House say that Marco Rubio spent a full hour and a half telling the other little guys at the Thanksgiving kids' table how he himself brokered the Ukraine-Russia peace deal.According to sources, Rubio…
Trump’s Strategy Of Hiring Lawyers Based On Bust Size Not Working As Well As Anticipated
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump's seemingly bulletproof strategy of choosing lawyers exclusively based on bust size has not worked out nearly as well as anticipated.Trump was left befuddled this week as the administration suffered a…
Trump Reminds Americans To Give Thanks For Him This Holiday
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a thoughtful Thanksgiving address, President Trump reminded the American people to give him thanks this holiday season."My fellow Americans, you have a lot to be thankful for this year and it's all thanks to me,…
Chicago Judge Hoping 23rd Time Is The Charm For Rehabilitating Violent Criminal
CHICAGO, IL — A Chicago judge ruled this week that a man previously arrested 23 times for various crimes would be totally rehabilitated if let off the hook this time around.District judge Madeline Cartwright let 42-year-old serial robber,…
10 More Groups Trump Is Designating As Terrorist Organizations
The Muslim Brotherhood was officially designated a terrorist organization by the Trump administration, but they weren't the only ones.The Babylon Bee has obtained the following list of other dangerous groups President Trump has designated…
Chicago Kicks Off Holiday Season By Unveiling Festive Red And Green Crime-Scene Tape
CHICAGO, IL — Residents of the Windy City noticed that it was beginning to look a lot like Christmas these days, as the Chicago Police Department kicked off the holiday season by unveiling festive red and green crime scene tape.The tell-tale…
Trump To Execute All Turkeys Pardoned By Biden’s Autopen
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Anguished gobbles were heard throughout the Beltway this morning, after news broke that President Donald Trump would be executing all the turkeys pardoned by former President Joe Biden's autopen.Though the annual…
Breaking: Hamas Breaches White House Perimeter
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump was rushed to an emergency bunker below the East Wing following reports that a member of Hamas breached the White House perimeter.According to sources, the radical Islamic extremist claimed to have an…