U.S.
KBJ: ‘How Can A Law Be Unconstitutional If I Like It?’
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the United States Supreme Court issued a decisive ruling on a controversial case in Colorado regarding conversion therapy for minors, Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson raised a pertinent question about the constitutionality of…
Dozens Of Injuries Reported At ‘No Kings’ Rally After Multi-Scooter Pileup
BOSTON, MA — Dozens of significant injuries have been reported at the "No Kings" rally today after a multi-scooter pileup as the protest crossed Tremont Street.Nearby trauma centers were reportedly inundated with patients who had…
49 States Enact Legislation Banning Immigrants From California
U.S. — To get ahead of the expected surge of migrants seeking refuge and freedom in the safety of America, 49 states banded together this week to enact legislation banning immigrants from California.Citing an emerging security threat from…
TSA Agent Keeps Skills Sharp By Groping Mannequin At Home
ONTARIO, CA — With the partial government shutdown still ongoing and no end in sight, local TSA employee Jeff Dormer said he had been keeping his skills sharp by groping a mannequin at home.Over the course of his five-year employment with the…
Soldiers Issued Crocs So Trump Can Say He Didn’t Put Boots On The Ground
IRAN — The Pentagon has issued Crocs to the 82nd Airborne Division in order to allow President Trump to truthfully say that he has not put any boots on the ground.All soldiers have been required to turn in their standard-issue Army Combat Boots…
Airport Wait Times Eliminated After TSA Checkpoints Taken Over By Chick-Fil-A
U.S. — Chick-fil-A employees began taking over TSA duties at the beginning of the week, and airline passengers noted that wait times were eliminated almost immediately.Agents could be seen walking through the lines, asking passengers if they…
Terrorists Give Up After Three Hours In TSA Line
NEW YORK, NY — A terrorist became frustrated and decided the attack he had been planning wasn't worth the trouble after spending three hours in the TSA line at the airport.After months of meticulous planning to hijack a passenger plane, the…
TSA Reduces Delays By Eliminating Colonoscopy Portion Of Search
U.S. — The Transportation Security Administration announced this morning that it would be ending the practice of performing colonoscopies on travelers at airports around the country in an effort to speed up security lines amidst the ongoing…
8 Tips For Getting Through TSA Faster
With the tug-of-war over funding for the Department of Homeland Security leaving the Transportation Security Administration short on agents, getting through airport security is an even bigger nightmare than before.To help weary travelers, The…
Statue Of Cesar Chavez Gropes Woman As It’s Being Taken Down
SAN FERNANDO, CA — An existing scandal was made even worse over the weekend, as a statue of the late union laborist and political activist Cesar Chavez allegedly groped a young woman as it was being taken down.The well-known Mexican-American…