U.S.
Obama Says If He Had A Son Who Stabbed Someone In The Heart With A Knife, He Would Look Just Like Karmelo Anthony
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As racial tensions continued to rise in the wake of the verdict handed down in the Austin Metcalf murder trial, a somber former President Barack Obama said if he had a son who stabbed someone in the heart with a knife, he…
Americans Overwhelmed By How Much Better Lives Have Gotten Since Attacking Iran
U.S. — Americans reported being absolutely staggered by how much better their lives have become since the U.S. went to war with Iran.From the moment the U.S. began bombing Iran on February 28th, citizens said that every single facet of their…
Trump Repairs The Crack In The Liberty Bell
PHILADELPHIA, PA — President Donald Trump proudly announced on Friday that he had repaired the crack on the Liberty Bell, outraging millions of Americans.Ahead of America's 250th anniversary, Trump set his mind to restoring America to its…
John Bolton Pleads Guilty, Sentenced To 5-Year Imprisonment At SeaWorld
SAN DIEGO, CA — According to breaking news reports, John Bolton agreed to plead guilty to one count of illegally retaining classified national security information in exchange for only serving five years confined to a walrus exhibit at Sea…
State Where P-51 Mustang Was Built In 102 Days Now Taking 4 Years To Build Bridge For Butterflies
AGOURA HILLS, CA — Officials working on new construction in California were surprised to learn that their own state, which was struggling to build a bridge for butterflies over the course of four years at a cost of over $100 million, had…
California Passes Law Making It A Crime To Report A Crime
SACRAMENTO, CA — In a decisive move toward preventing any citizen journalists from uncovering massive fraud and corruption in the state moving forward, California officially passed a law making it a crime to report a crime.Following the…
Tragedy: Multiple Trump Assassins Accidentally Shoot Each Other
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Tragedy unfolded in the nation's capital again today, as multiple assassins attempting to kill President Donald Trump accidentally shot each other.A pair of would-be killers suffered gunshot wounds after they both opened…
Media To Just Start Reporting When Trump Wasn’t Shot At
U.S. — After yet another failed assassination attempt against President Trump yesterday, the national media has agreed to just start reporting when Trump wasn't shot at.Journalists have become fatigued with repeatedly reporting the same…
Tulsi Gabbard Forced To Resign After Trump Discovers She’s Not Blonde
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard was forced to resign on Friday after President Donald Trump discovered that she's not blonde.Trump reportedly gave Gabbard the option of bleaching her hair instead of…
Zillow Adds New Feature For California Homes Showing Whether They Are Currently On Fire
LOS ANGELES, CA — Popular house-purchasing platform Zillow added a new feature this week that helpfully informs users of which houses in Southern California are currently on fire.Zillow unveiled the new feature in what they said was an effort to…