U.S.
Dave Ramsey In Critical Condition After Learning Of 50-Year Mortgage
FRANKLIN, TN — Financial consultant and radio host Dave Ramsey was reported to be in critical condition Monday after learning that President Donald Trump had begun pushing a 50-year home mortgage.According to sources, Ramsey collapsed at his…
Trump Unveils New Eternal Mortgage
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bid to bring down housing costs for struggling Americans trying to afford to purchase a home, President Donald Trump unveiled a plan that would normalize the utilization of eternal mortgages.While 30-year mortgages had…
Unpaid Air Traffic Controller Now Just Deliberately Sending All Planes To Duluth, Minnesota For Laughs
LOS ANGELES, CA — Norman Shelby, an air traffic controller who works out of LAX, reportedly coped with his missing paycheck as a result of the government shutdown by deliberately sending planes to Duluth, Minnesota, for laughs.The government…
State Department Issues Travel Advisory For New York City
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following the city's election of an avowed and unrepentant socialist, the U.S. State Department issued an immediate and urgent travel advisory for New York City.According to Secretary of State Marco Rubio, New York City…
Tragic: Dick Cheney Dies Before Getting To See World War III
U.S. — The nation is mourning the death of former Vice President Dick Cheney, who has tragically passed away without getting to see World War III.The renowned politician, avid hunter of both animals and men, and 43rd most popular Vice President,…
SNAP Beneficiaries Wishing There Were Some Way They Could Trade Their Labor And Services For Money To Buy Food
U.S. — With SNAP funding temporarily blocked, beneficiaries of the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program are reportedly wishing there were some way to trade their labor and services for money to buy food."That would be really…
L.A. Hosts Yet Another Pride Parade
LOS ANGELES, CA — In celebration of a historic weekend that brought excitement and joy to the entire city, crowds gathered downtown as Los Angeles hosted yet another flamboyant Pride parade.Revelers from throughout the greater L.A. metropolitan…
Government Once Again Casts Nation Into 4:30 P.M. Darkness
U.S. — According to sources, the hidden upper echelon embedded in the United States government once again reveled in victory as it cast the nation into darkness at 4:30 p.m., like it does every year. Daylight Saving Time, which was instituted to…
The Nightmare Is Over: Supreme Court Outlaws Candy Corn
U.S. — Americans all over the country celebrated the news that the national nightmare that had lasted for generations was finally over, as the United States Supreme Court outlawed candy corn.In a landmark 8-1 ruling, the nation's highest…
Trump Orders Nuclear Weapons Testing To Be Carried Out By The Guys From Dude Perfect
U.S. — For the first time since 1992, the United States planned to resume nuclear weapons testing. President Donald Trump ordered the Pentagon to resume tests immediately and to "get the guys from Dude Perfect" to do it.With rival…