World
Hamas Terrorists Distance Selves From Greta Thunberg
GAZA — Following news that the diminutive eco-geopolitical activist was once again planning to set sail to arrive in support of the Palestinian cause, Hamas terrorists released an official statement distancing themselves from Greta…
Russia, Ukraine Reach New Type of Truce Where They Keep Bombing Each Other
UKRAINE — Following constructive talks about ending their war, the leaders of Russia and Ukraine have reportedly reached a new type of truce where they keep bombing each other indefinitely."President Zelenskyy and I understand each other…
Britain Announces Reverse Crusade Where They Invite Muslims To Come And Destroy England
LONDON — In what political analysts described as a historic turning point for Western Civilization, Great Britain announced a "Reverse Crusade" where they invite Muslims to come and destroy England.With the original Crusades of the…
Nation That Once Charged Into Certain Death For Freedom Now Letting Their Daughters Handle The Rape Gangs
SCOTLAND — According to reports, the homeland of William Wallace has shifted away from charging into certain death in the name of freedom to just letting their teenage daughters handle the violent rape gangs."I let my daughter have a knife,…
Al Qaeda Claims Responsibility For Cracker Barrel Logo Change
KABUL — In a newly released video, the terrorist group Al-Qaeda has claimed responsibility for the changing of the Cracker Barrel logo.The group carried out the attack in the dead of night last week, posting the logo on sites across the world…
Problems In Middle East Blamed On The 0.3% Of It That Isn’t An Islamic Dictatorship
AMMAN — As experts and diplomats continue to search for the solution to the generations-long conflict in the region, one surprising study has concluded that problems in the Middle East should definitely be blamed on the 0.3% of it that…
Ukraine Raises Alarm As Trump Emerges From Meeting Wearing Soviet Ushanka
KYIV — Ukraine government officials sounded the alarm today after President Trump emerged from his meeting with Putin sporting a beautiful Soviet ushanka. After several tense hours of negotiation, Trump and Putin finally emerged wearing matching…
Trump Negotiates Russian Ceasefire By Giving Putin California
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The bloody years-long conflict between Ukraine and Russia was finally brought to an end this week, as President Donald Trump successfully negotiated a ceasefire between the countries by agreeing to give Vladimir Putin…
In Lieu Of Dystopian Sci-Fi Movie, American Just Watching News From England
U.S. — According to sources, Americans no longer need dystopian sci-fi novels to serve as ominous warnings of authoritarian control or societal collapse, as they now have England for that."Watching the news out of England hits closer to…
Historians Warn Hitler Also Once Stood On Roof
BERLIN — Following the unusual incident in which President Donald Trump was spotted taking a walk on top of the White House, a group of historians warned that the infamous leader of Nazi Germany, Adolf Hitler, had also once stood on a roof.The…