World
Iran Denies Negotiating With Trump As All Its Leaders Are Dead
TEHRAN — Iranian spokesman Ahmadi Mohammadi issued a strongly worded statement to "The Great Satan" in which he vehemently denied that ongoing negotiations with President Trump had been taking place because all the nation's…
Trump Postpones Iran Strikes Until They All Assemble In One Place Again For A Meeting
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a promising sign that the weeks-long conflict in the Middle East could soon be over, President Donald Trump postponed strikes against Iran until all of its leaders assembled in one place again for a meeting.Trump posted the…
France Explains They Can’t Help Open Strait Of Hormuz As They Already Sent All 15 Of Their Soldiers To Defend Greenland
PARIS — French President Emmanuel Macron explained today that the French Army simply could not help open the Strait of Hormuz as all fifteen of its soldiers have already been deployed to defend Greenland.Though expressing their sincere desire to…
Gay Ayatollah Excited After Receiving DM From Cute Guy Jamesmohammed O’Keefibad
TEHRAN — According to U.S. intelligence sources, Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei couldn't believe his luck when he received a DM from a cute guy by the name of Jamesmohammed O'Keefibad.The pair met on the Iranian version of Tinder, which is…
Kevin The Janitor Now Most Senior Military Official Left In Iran
TEHRAN — Following the latest round of U.S. and Israeli airstrikes in the country, Kevin, the janitor at the Office of the Supreme Leader, was officially recognized as now being the most senior military official left in Iran.Over the last few…
8 Coolest Perks Of Becoming The New Ayatollah
The hottest job on the market right now is being the Iranian Ayatollah, but why is everyone suddenly buzzing about it? Here are just eight of the most incredible perks that come with being the new Supreme Leader:Neat hat that can easily hide a…
Kim Jong-Un Wins Over Populace With His Charisma, Experience, And Ability To Shoot You In The Face If You Don’t Vote For Him
PYONGYANG — History was made once again in the small but proud nation of North Korea, as longtime leader Kim Jong-Un's political party claimed victory by winning over the populace with his trademark charisma, experience, and ability to…
Iran Update: Current Tax Dollars Winning Battle Against Tax Dollars From Three Years Ago
TEHRAN — After three weeks of fighting in Iran, current U.S. tax dollars are steadily defeating U.S. tax dollars from three years ago.The current tax dollars appear to be more coordinated and technologically advanced than previous tax dollars,…
Trump Lures Gay Ayatollah Out Of Hiding With Cardboard Cutout Of David Hasselhoff
TEHRAN — At President Donald Trump's direction, the U.S. military successfully took out Iran's new gay supreme leader by luring him out of his bunker with a cardboard cutout of Baywatch star David Hasselhoff.As part of Operation Hot…
9 Clear Signs The Ayatollah Is Gay
In addition to reports that he was seriously injured in airstrikes at the onset of the U.S.-Iran conflict, new rumors arose this week that the newly chosen Supreme Leader, Mojtaba Khamenei, is also incredibly gay. Upon further investigation,…