World
Trump Lures Gay Ayatollah Out Of Hiding With Cardboard Cutout Of David Hasselhoff
TEHRAN — At President Donald Trump's direction, the U.S. military successfully took out Iran's new gay supreme leader by luring him out of his bunker with a cardboard cutout of Baywatch star David Hasselhoff.As part of Operation Hot…
9 Clear Signs The Ayatollah Is Gay
In addition to reports that he was seriously injured in airstrikes at the onset of the U.S.-Iran conflict, new rumors arose this week that the newly chosen Supreme Leader, Mojtaba Khamenei, is also incredibly gay. Upon further investigation,…
Ayatollah Disappointed To Learn 72 Virgins Awaiting Him In Paradise Are All Women
TEHRAN — With rumors about his sexual preferences circulating amid the ongoing military conflict ravaging his country, the new Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei was reportedly disappointed to learn that the 72 virgins awaiting him in paradise were all…
‘Merely A Flesh Wound!’ Says Legless Torso Of Iranian Ayatollah
TEHRAN — The legless torso of newly-appointed Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei assured the world that the loss of his legs in battle was "just a flesh wound"."Tis' but a scratch," declared Khamenei as aides carefully balanced…
Tragedy: New Ayatollah Dead After Being Accidentally Left Out In Rain
TEHRAN — The newly-minted Supreme Leader Mojtaba Khamenei tragically died this morning after being accidentally left out in the rain.As an unseasonal rainstorm blew through Tehran, horrified Iranian officials suddenly realized they had left…
Iran Asks Democrats For Tips On Running Country With Dead Leader
TEHRAN — Iranian government officials have reached out to the American Democratic Party for advice on how run a country with a dead leader.After enduring mockery for presenting the public a cardboard cutout of the new Ayatollah, Iranian…
Iran Warns U.S. It Has Huge Stockpile Of Supreme Leaders
TEHRAN — Amid rumors that the newly chosen Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei had been injured in an airstrike, the Iranian regime issued a statement warning the U.S. that it had a huge stockpile of supreme leaders.The embattled Islamic government has…
Europe Under Persistent Delusion Anyone Cares What It Thinks
BRUSSELS — As all eyes around the globe remained fixed on the ongoing U.S.-Iran conflict, leaders gathered for an important summit in a clear display that Europe remained under its persistent delusion that anyone cares what it thinks.Sources…
Iran Boasts It Has Destroyed Hundreds Of US Missiles With Its Buildings
TEHRAN — As the conflict in the Middle East stretched into a second week, the Iranian government issued a public statement boasting that it had destroyed hundreds of U.S. missiles with its buildings.Despite losing dozens of members of its…
U.S. Air Force Destroys $3,200 Iranian Regime Toyota With $30-Million Smart Bomb
TEHRAN — The United States Air Force confirmed a major strategic victory in Iran this week after it utilized a $30 million smart bomb to destroy one of Iran's used $3,200 Toyota pickup trucks.A Pentagon report of ongoing strikes in the…