BRENTWOOD, TN — The man who pushed over Jack Reacher’s motorcycle and was subsequently pounded into the ground has announced that he will next go shoot John Wick’s dog.
Ronnie Taylor, not content with being pummeled to a bloody pulp by an absolute monster, stated his intent to bait the most dangerous assassin on the planet.
“Reacher may have just broken every bone in my face, but I’m feeling confident. I’m headed straight for John Wick’s house,” said Taylor. “Reacher was all like, ‘Hey man, I don’t want to have to demolish you with my meaty fists’, but I wouldn’t take no for an answer. You’re next, Mr. Wick.”
According to sources, Taylor does not plan on stopping after his forthcoming thrashing by John Wick. “Ronnie said after John Wick he’s going to go kidnap that daughter from Taken,” said friend Marcus Lott. “After that, he’s got his eye on assaulting Jason Bourne’s girlfriend. It’s quite the plan.”
At publishing time, Taylor had announced that he would also be taking John McClane’s wife hostage as part of an elaborate heist.
Do you think you can guess which one is the terrorist?
