Scholars Discover Lost Plague Of Cyclists Blocking Pharaoh’s Morning Commute

RAMSES — Archaeologists excavating at ancient Egyptian historical sites discovered evidence of another biblical plague, this one believed to have consisted of a horde of cyclists blocking Pharaoh’s morning commute.

Though the plagues of frogs, flies, locusts, gnats, and boils had long been known about, the discovery of the plague of bicyclists added new depth to the misery Pharaoh suffered during the time of the Exodus account.

“We discovered ancient wheels we believe belonged to a literal plague of cyclists sent by God to block Pharaoh’s path on his way to work every morning,” archeologist Spencer Paul said. “This was a particularly painful plague, as dozens of these men rode through the Pharaoh’s route every single morning, leading to intense frustration from the ruler.”

Scholars believe the cyclists were sent to vex the king as part of God’s plan to convince the ruler to let the Israelites go free under the leadership of Moses.

“The locusts were bad, but this was really another level,” Pharaoh said in a newly translated text. “But now there’s these guys, with their little lightweight bikes and their little outfits blocking the road so my chariot can’t get through. It’s more than I can bear.”

The hordes of cyclists could be seen yelling at passersby for coming too close to their bikes and cutting through commuters with a sense of entitlement not seen before in all of Egypt.

At publishing time, scholars revealed Pharaoh had informed Moses he would rather be covered from head to toe in painful sores than go one more day dealing with the cyclists.