‘There, It Couldn’t Be More Clear,’ Announces John After Finishing Revelation

PATMOS — The Apostle John emerged from his cave earlier this week feeling confident that he couldn’t have been more clear in his description of the revelation he’d received.

“Perfect. Crystal clear,” John declared, setting aside his ink. “That should keep anyone from coming up with weird interpretations. If anything, I may have made things too obvious, perhaps spelled things out too much. It’s okay, though. It will make it more readable for kids.”

When asked by a scribe the exact identity of the beast with ten horns and seven heads, John sighed with impatience and said to just read what he wrote.

“It’s literally spelled out,” said John. “All you have to do is read it. I can’t make it simpler than that.”

At publishing time, John had added a few more clarifying verses about the giant burning mountain falling into the sea just to be doubly sure there could be no confusion.