DENVER, CO — In a groundbreaking move for municipal infrastructure, lead architect Gerald Hinkley unveiled blueprints for a renovated Denver International Airport yesterday, proudly showcasing a rental car center situated just 75 miles from the main terminal.
“Designed specifically for traveler convenience,” Hinkley stated during the press conference. “By placing the rental facility in the next county over, we encourage travelers to embrace the journey and maybe lose a few pounds in the process. We routed rental car customers through a maze of hallways, escalators, across roads, through a few parking lots, and across an open field of farmland. The rental car area is basically just right there.”
Critics argued the distance is excessive, but the airport planning board disagreed. They claim the separation promotes mindfulness and gives passengers ample time to think as they take the seemingly endless walk to pick up their rental vehicle. For those desperate to reach their destination, the facility will offer a shuttle service that currently operates only during full moons.
“Travelers can start walking from the terminal at around 2 PM and arrive sometime the next morning,” Hinkley said. “Will it be a hassle to get to the place to get their rental car? You bet. But will they be better off for the process? Probably not.”
At publishing time, airport planners also announced plans to put the baggage claim in the mezzanine basement sub-floor and make signage so confusing that no rational person would ever be able to find their bags.
California transplants Steve and Timpani try to be the perfect Texas hosts for Brittuni’s visit, but Steve quickly realizes he needs a sensible vehicle now that he’s about to become a dad.
