U.S.
Authorities Zeroing In On Leader Of Furry Terrorist Cell
U.S. — With the increase in violence against conservative political leaders and influencers posing a great threat to national security and the lives of Americans, federal authorities revealed that they were zeroing in on the leader of a…
In Devastating Blow, Newly Released Emails Reveal Trump Not Well-Liked By Pedophile
U.S. - In a huge blow to President Trump, newly released emails indicate that he was not well-liked by a pedophile.Sources in the administration fear Trump may never recover politically from not being liked by a sex trafficker."I don't…
Poem On Statue Of Liberty Updated To Read ‘No Fatties’
NEW YORK, NY — As part of a change in immigration policy designed to limit the incoming of foreign nationals with chronic health issues, the poem posted on the Statue of Liberty was updated to read "No Fatties."The famous inscription,…
Trump Replaces Pennies With Cool New POGs
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After 232 years of continuous production, the final U.S. penny was minted in Philadelphia on Wednesday. To fill the void left in its absence, President Donald Trump reportedly instructed the U.S. Mint to move away from…
Dave Ramsey In Critical Condition After Learning Of 50-Year Mortgage
FRANKLIN, TN — Financial consultant and radio host Dave Ramsey was reported to be in critical condition Monday after learning that President Donald Trump had begun pushing a 50-year home mortgage.According to sources, Ramsey collapsed at his…
Trump Unveils New Eternal Mortgage
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bid to bring down housing costs for struggling Americans trying to afford to purchase a home, President Donald Trump unveiled a plan that would normalize the utilization of eternal mortgages.While 30-year mortgages had…
Unpaid Air Traffic Controller Now Just Deliberately Sending All Planes To Duluth, Minnesota For Laughs
LOS ANGELES, CA — Norman Shelby, an air traffic controller who works out of LAX, reportedly coped with his missing paycheck as a result of the government shutdown by deliberately sending planes to Duluth, Minnesota, for laughs.The government…
State Department Issues Travel Advisory For New York City
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following the city's election of an avowed and unrepentant socialist, the U.S. State Department issued an immediate and urgent travel advisory for New York City.According to Secretary of State Marco Rubio, New York City…
Tragic: Dick Cheney Dies Before Getting To See World War III
U.S. — The nation is mourning the death of former Vice President Dick Cheney, who has tragically passed away without getting to see World War III.The renowned politician, avid hunter of both animals and men, and 43rd most popular Vice President,…
SNAP Beneficiaries Wishing There Were Some Way They Could Trade Their Labor And Services For Money To Buy Food
U.S. — With SNAP funding temporarily blocked, beneficiaries of the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program are reportedly wishing there were some way to trade their labor and services for money to buy food."That would be really…