U.S.
California Celebrates Installation Of Single L.A. Trash Can That Cost $400 Billion And Took 18 Years To Build
LOS ANGELES, CA — California state and city officials gathered with residents on Thursday to celebrate the opening of a public trash can that cost just $400 billion and took only 18 years to install.The lavish ribbon-cutting ceremony in Griffith…
Man Bravely Resigns From Trump Administration At Great Cost Of Doing Podcast Tour, Getting Book Deal
NEW YORK CITY — Joe Kent has resigned from the Trump administration despite the fact that doing so will lead to him being invited on a podcast tour and getting a six-figure book deal.Kent resigned as Director of the National Counterterrorism…
Spirit Unveils New All-Duct Tape Aircraft
DANIA BEACH, FL — Spirit Airlines unveiled a new all-duct tape aircraft that is expected to increase the company's profit margins at the expense of customer safety in an effort to appease shareholders."I like money," said Spirit…
San Francisco Celebrates St. Patrick’s Day By Adding Green Dye To Sidewalk Poop
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Just in time for St. Patrick's Day, San Francisco officials spared no expense in dyeing all the poop on the city's sidewalks green."Wow! It's so festive!" remarked one homeless man. "I should…
Bill Clinton Selflessly Volunteers To Help Short-Staffed TSA With Pat Downs
CHAPPAQUA, NY — With TSA suffering severe staffing shortages amid a halt in pay, former President Bill Clinton has volunteered to lend a hand patting down passengers.A smiling Clinton arrived early for his shift at JFK International, telling TSA…
Media: No Motive Yet In Attack On Jewish Synagogue By Radical Muslim
U.S. — With the nation reeling from an outbreak of violent incidents in the wake of the U.S. military strikes against Iran, the media clarified that there was no known motive yet in the attack on a Jewish Synagogue by a radical Muslim.Though an…
Donald Trump Appoints Grand Admiral Thrawn To Lead The Carrier Strike Group In Persian Gulf
PERSIAN GULF — Iran's military command is desperately scrambling to react upon learning the news that Donald Trump had chosen Mitth'raw'nuruodo, otherwise known as Grand Admiral Thrawn, to lead the U.S. carrier strike group in the…
Nation Struggling To Contain Excitement At News Iran May Strike California
U.S. — Americans across the country struggled to rein in their excitement after news broke that Iran may strike the state of California.People passing each other in the grocery tried to play it cool as they shared knowing smiles that any moment,…
Many Worried That The Giant Spiders Attacking New York Could Lead To An Increase In Hateful Arachnophobia
NEW YORK, NY — As giant mutant spiders attacked the Big Apple, many concerned experts across the country expressed worry that the giant attacking spiders could lead to a substantial increase in hateful arachnophobia.The fears grew this week…
Mamdani Clarifies That His Wife Only Celebrates Terrorism In Her Capacity As A Private Citizen
NEW YORK, NY — Mayor Zohram Mandani called a press conference on Monday to clarify that his wife only celebrates the actions and mission of terrorists in her capacity as a private citizen.The comments came after it was revealed that…