U.S.
Trump Reduces D.C. Crime So Much Police Chief Resigns Out Of Boredom
WASHINGTON, D.C. — D.C. Police Chief Pamela Smith reportedly stepped down from her duties on Thursday because President Donald Trump had reduced crime in the city so drastically that it had made her really bored."There's nothing to…
Trump Imposes 25% Tariffs On All Incoming Christmas Presents From The North Pole
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Families hoping for financial relief for the holiday season received troubling news today, as President Donald Trump announced he was imposing 25% tariffs on all incoming Christmas presents from the North Pole.Inside sources…
James O’Keefe Goes Deep Undercover By Parting His Hair On Other Side
U.S. — According to sources, investigative journalist James O'Keefe once again went deep undercover in spite of his notoriety by parting his hair on the other side."They will never know it's me," a man who looked like…
Democrats Warn That Ban On Islamic Immigration May Delay Global Intifada
WASHINGTON, D.C. — An executive order banning immigration from several Muslim-majority countries compelled Democratic lawmakers to voice concerns that this may delay the global intifada."It is the right of every American to endorse global…
Tragic: Mamdani’s Auntie Slightly Uncomfortable At Supermarket After Australian Terror Attack
NEW YORK, NY — The leader of America's most prominent city experienced a family crisis today, as reports indicated that New York City Mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani's aunt felt slightly uncomfortable at a supermarket in the wake of the…
Candace Owens Honors Charlie Kirk’s Legacy By Doing Everything In Her Power To Destroy It
U.S. — Podcaster and amateur sleuth Candace Owens has vowed to honor Charlie Kirk's legacy by doing everything in her power to destroy it.Owens has pledged, for Charlie's sake, to stop at absolutely nothing to burn down the movement he…
Kilmar Abrego Garcia Uses Frequent Flyer Miles To Take Killer Disney Vacation
ORLANDO, FL — The much-publicized legal tug-of-war over his deportation finally paid off for illegal alien Kilmar Abrego Garcia, as he announced that he was using all the frequent flyer miles he racked up during the ordeal to take a killer…
California Family Still Waiting For Permit To Build Gingerbread House
PACIFIC PALISADES, CA — Bucking years of tradition, a family new to the California area had failed to build a single gingerbread house this Christmas season due to a backlog at the permit office."We're still waiting for the appropriate…
Trump Worried Reports Of Venezuelan Oil Tanker Seizure Have Ruined The Surprise Of Melania’s Christmas Gift
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump expressed concern that his wife, Melania, may now be aware of what he got her for Christmas after news reports surfaced that the U.S. military had seized a Venezuelan oil tanker this week.When the story…
Judge Finds Luigi Mangione Too Stunningly Handsome And Gorgeous To Stand Trial
NEW YORK, NY — In a shocking development in the case of a killer charged with murdering a health insurance executive, a New York judge found that Luigi Mangione was too stunningly handsome and gorgeous to stand trial.Though the prosecution had…