U.S.
Black Bears Demand To Be Referred To As ‘Bears Of Color’
SACRAMENTO, CA — In a historic move, California's famous black bears, in cooperation with the NAACP, met on the steps of the state capitol to demand that they now be referred to as "Bears of Color.""For too long our people…
White House Construction Crew Finds 1,357 More Cocaine Stashes
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Construction workers tasked with building a new White House Ballroom reportedly discovered 1,357 stashes of cocaine hidden within the walls and ceilings of the East Wing.Work on the project was briefly postponed on Tuesday…
Here Are All The Things Accomplished By Last Weekend’s ‘No Kings’ Protests
Thanks to all of the "No Kings" protests that took place across the United States over the weekend, we now live in a completely different world. There isn't enough time or space to detail all of the earth-shattering things that…
SUCCESS: After Weekend Of ‘No Kings’ Protests, America Will Now Still Not Have Any Kings
U.S. — The countrywide "No Kings" protests are being hailed as an unmitigated success as after two days of rallies, America still does not have any kings.Organizers praised the rallies as a historic accomplishment after not one single…
Millions Gather To Express Total Ignorance About Political System
U.S. — Millions of Americans took to the streets today in order to express to the world their total and absolute ignorance about the political system they live in.Several major cities including Boston, New York City and Chicago saw over one…
RFK Orders Airstrike On Cargo Ship Full Of Tylenol
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Secretary of HHS Robert F. Kennedy Jr. ordered an airstrike on a cargo ship full of Tylenol attempting to reach the American coast.Declassified video showed Predator drones striking the ship with multiple Hellfire missiles,…
Zelenskyy Tries To Catch Glimpse Of Trump By Climbing White House Sycamore Tree
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy was reportedly invited to an official meeting in the Oval Office today after President Trump spotted him climbing a sycamore tree outside the White House just to see him.According to…
John Bolton’s Mustache Agrees To Testify Against Him In Exchange For Immunity
GREENBELT, MD — A former Trump administration National Security Advisor's legal defense faced an uphill battle, as news broke that John Bolton's mustache had agreed to testify against him in exchange for immunity.The mustache made a…
Clarence Thomas Gently Explains To KBJ That Not All Black People Are Mentally Disabled, Just Her
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson claimed in court today that all black people are mentally disabled, Justice Clarence Thomas gently informed her that it's actually just her.Not wanting to embarrass Jackson in front of…
Exhausted Government Employees Hoping To Go Back To Work Soon So They Can Get Some Rest
U.S. — According to sources, federal employees are eager for the government shutdown to end so they can go back to work and get some real rest."Vacation is nice, but I'm always tired at the end of it and feel like I need a vacation…