U.S.
Trump Reminds Americans To Give Thanks For Him This Holiday
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a thoughtful Thanksgiving address, President Trump reminded the American people to give him thanks this holiday season."My fellow Americans, you have a lot to be thankful for this year and it's all thanks to me,…
Chicago Judge Hoping 23rd Time Is The Charm For Rehabilitating Violent Criminal
CHICAGO, IL — A Chicago judge ruled this week that a man previously arrested 23 times for various crimes would be totally rehabilitated if let off the hook this time around.District judge Madeline Cartwright let 42-year-old serial robber,…
10 More Groups Trump Is Designating As Terrorist Organizations
The Muslim Brotherhood was officially designated a terrorist organization by the Trump administration, but they weren't the only ones.The Babylon Bee has obtained the following list of other dangerous groups President Trump has designated…
Chicago Kicks Off Holiday Season By Unveiling Festive Red And Green Crime-Scene Tape
CHICAGO, IL — Residents of the Windy City noticed that it was beginning to look a lot like Christmas these days, as the Chicago Police Department kicked off the holiday season by unveiling festive red and green crime scene tape.The tell-tale…
Trump To Execute All Turkeys Pardoned By Biden’s Autopen
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Anguished gobbles were heard throughout the Beltway this morning, after news broke that President Donald Trump would be executing all the turkeys pardoned by former President Joe Biden's autopen.Though the annual…
Breaking: Hamas Breaches White House Perimeter
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump was rushed to an emergency bunker below the East Wing following reports that a member of Hamas breached the White House perimeter.According to sources, the radical Islamic extremist claimed to have an…
Authorities Zeroing In On Leader Of Furry Terrorist Cell
U.S. — With the increase in violence against conservative political leaders and influencers posing a great threat to national security and the lives of Americans, federal authorities revealed that they were zeroing in on the leader of a…
In Devastating Blow, Newly Released Emails Reveal Trump Not Well-Liked By Pedophile
U.S. - In a huge blow to President Trump, newly released emails indicate that he was not well-liked by a pedophile.Sources in the administration fear Trump may never recover politically from not being liked by a sex trafficker."I don't…
Poem On Statue Of Liberty Updated To Read ‘No Fatties’
NEW YORK, NY — As part of a change in immigration policy designed to limit the incoming of foreign nationals with chronic health issues, the poem posted on the Statue of Liberty was updated to read "No Fatties."The famous inscription,…
Trump Replaces Pennies With Cool New POGs
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After 232 years of continuous production, the final U.S. penny was minted in Philadelphia on Wednesday. To fill the void left in its absence, President Donald Trump reportedly instructed the U.S. Mint to move away from…