World
Denmark Protects Greenland By Securing It In Giant Cookie Tin
NUUK — With rhetoric from both European countries and the United States over control of the island escalating, Denmark commenced a plan to protect Greenland by securing it in a giant cookie tin.In the face of increased pressure to sell the…
Trump Challenges Danish Prime Minister To Ping Pong Match, Winner Gets Greenland
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump has officially challenged Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen to a ping pong match, winner takes Greenland.With negotiations stalled and both sides hoping to avoid a military showdown, Trump suggested a…
NATO Begs U.S. For Emergency Funding So They Can Defend Greenland From U.S.
BRUSSELS — Amid the looming threat of a U.S. military takeover of Greenland, NATO requested emergency aid from the U.S. to help it defend Greenland from the U.S."This is an emergency, and we need the aid of the United States as soon as…
Tucker Carlson Amazed At How Clean And Well-Run The Murdering Of Iranian Protestors Is
U.S. — After watching the news of the Iranian government executing tens of thousands of protestors, political commentator Tucker Carlson expressed amazement at how clean and well-run the murders were."It's actually impressive,"…
Trump Airdrops ‘Make Iran Great Again’ Hats To Help Iranian Protesters
TEHRAN — As Iranian protestors were shot dead in the streets, President Trump made good on his promise to come to their aid by having thousands of "Make Iran Great Again" hats airdropped all over the country.At approximately 5 a.m., a…
Trump Announces Plan To Take Australia And Cash In Its 2 Troop Bonus Every Round, Wait Till All The Other Armies Are Depleted, Then Launch His Assault On Asia
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump has revealed his plan to seize Australia, cash in its two-troop continent bonus each turn, wait for the other armies to deplete each other, and then launch an invasion of Asia.Trump stated that with only one…
Tucker Carlson Heads To Iran To Put Down Protests
TEHRAN — A hush fell over the massive mob of Persians gathered in the streets of Tehran on Monday, as media pundit Tucker Carlson arrived to scold the protesters and restore order to the nation.Calrson landed in the country early Monday morning,…
Democrats Fear Iranian Love Of Freedom Could Spread To America
U.S. — With the fall of the Ayatollah regime appearing to be imminent, prominent Democrats expressed fear that the dangerous Iranian desire for freedom could potentially spread to the United States.Leaders of the Democratic Party stressed that…
Greenland Panics As Marco Rubio Seen Donning Parka
NUUK — Greenland has descended into panic after U.S. Secretary of State was photographed donning a heavy parka.Fresh off assuming control over the interim government of Venezuela, Rubio's choice of clothing appeared to signal his imminent…
British Ask If Trump Can Do That Same Thing With Keir Starmer
LONDON, UK — In the wake of the swift capture and extradition of Venezuelan dictator Nicolas Maduro, millions of ordinary British citizens have asked if Trump could please come do that same thing with Prime Minister Keir Starmer.According to…