Gavin Newsom Fires Up ChatGPT To Find Out What His Political Positions Should Be This Week

SACRAMENTO, CA — Governor Gavin Newsom opened up his laptop and fired up ChatGPT this morning to find out what his political positions will be this week.

The day after proposing a billionaire tax while simultaneously working to defeat a billionaire tax, Newsom checked in with ChatGPT for further guidance on what to do next.

“Okay, Chat. What do I believe today?,” typed Newsom. “Let’s maybe talk law enforcement. Is it good or bad right now? I could go either way, to be honest. What’s the vibe out there on the streets about criminals? What’s the scuttlebutt?”

Newsom has bragged that while many politicians struggle to decide major policy positions, he has no such issue. “It’s so easy for me. I just ask ChatGPT, and do whatever it says. I guess it’s one of my many gifts,” said Newsom. “It’s frankly embarrassing hearing other leaders talk about how hard it is to decide things like whether they should commute someone’s life sentence. I just ask Chat — boom, done.”

At publishing time, Newsom had announced that he would proposing a universal health care bill and also breaking up health insurance conglomerates to promote competition.