As we close out 2025, the time has come to announce the greatest of all awards, that prize far more coveted than a mere Nobel Prize or Oscar. After hours of intense debate, countless votes, and the sacking of two employees, we are now ready to reveal The Babylon Bee’s Persons of the Year:
Straight Person of the Year: Tim Walz
Easily the number one hetero.
Healthy Person of the Year: Ariana Grande
The absolute picture of health and wellness.
Person with Best Jeans: Bill Thompson of Ames, Iowa
Sorry, Sydney. Bill’s got you beat.
Not Dead Person of the Year: Joe Biden
Way to go, Joe!
Sane, Rational Person of the Year: Candace Owens
Well-deserved.
Skinny Person of the Year: Your mom
Didn’t see that one coming.
Sober Person of the Year: Kamala Harris
The spitting image of sobriety.
Chaste Person of the Year: Bill Clinton
You did it, Bill.
Principled Person of the Year: Chip & Joanna Gaines
No compromising values here.
Fly Ball Catcher of the Year: Aaron Judge
Two years in a row!
Normal-looking Person of the Year: Ed Sheeran
Just look at how normal he appears.
Manliest Person of the Year: Justin Trudeau
When we think testosterone, we think Justin.
Athlete of the Year: That WNBA Player who made a layup
Great job, what’s her name.
United Methodist Pastor of the Year: Satan
The Lord of Darkness does it again.
American Citizen of the Year: Kilmar Abrego Garcia
No one captures the American spirit better.
Christian Person of the Year: Donald J. Trump
Congratulations to the President on his ninth consecutive selection.
Cherish these awards, friends. We’ll see you in 2026!
Our top-performing sketches of 2025!
