life
Introvert Bites Down On Cyanide Capsule As Waiters Start Singing ‘Happy Birthday’ To Him
RIVERDALE, UT — A tragic scene ensued last night, as an introvert bit down on a cyanide capsule at his own birthday dinner as soon as the waiters started singing "Happy Birthday" to him.Socially anxious Mitchell Myers had been…
Senators Ask AG Bondi to Investigate Abortion Pill Manufacturers
Three Republican senators are asking Attorney General Pam Bondi to investigate whether drug manufacturers have misrepresented the abortion pill’s safety and efficacy, harming thousands of women. The abortion pill, now the most common method of…
Donkey Kong Certain Collecting Another Banana Will Fill God-Shaped Hole In His Heart
INGOT ISLE — According to sources, the ape known as Donkey Kong is certain collecting another banana will fill the God-shaped hole in his heart."OHHHHHHH banana!" DK said, illustrating that he hoped his next banana would finally bring…
Highschool Freshman Disappointed There Isn’t An Affable Loner Around On First Day Of School To Point Out Which Tables In The Lunch Room Various Social Groups Sit At
SAN DIMAS, CA-Local high school freshman Pete Slater expressed disappointment this week as he was unable to locate an affable, slightly goth loner who could show him around the school cafeteria and point out where various social groups…
Dad Fussy After Missing His Afternoon Nap
REDMOND, OR — A lost afternoon nap threatened to ruin the entire day of local dad Stephen Hearst, who was now clinically fussy, sources said.The predicament presented itself when Hearst, who was already tired from a late night the night before,…
Tragic: Stranger Thinks Your Sports Team Shirt Is An Invitation To Talk To You About Sports
ESCONDIDO, CA — According to sources, local man Randy Rivera was disappointed to discover that wearing his favorite sports team's shirt apparently served as an open invitation for any random stranger to talk to him."Whoa! Are you a…
Pro-Abortion States Beef Up Protections for Abortion Pill Prescribers
Pro-abortion states are passing laws stripping prescriber names off chemical abortion pill labels. The laws further insulate doctors who prescribe chemical abortion pills to people in pro-life states from investigation and prosecution.…
Texas Father Sues Out-Of-State Abortionist for Killing His Preborn Children
A Texas father is suing an out-of-state abortionist for contributing to the death of his preborn children. The federal class action suit, filed on behalf of “all current and future fathers of unborn children in the United States,” could stop…
Court Upholds Indiana’s Pro-Life Law Limiting Abortion
A state appeals court has upheld Indiana’s pro-life law, handing abortion giant Planned Parenthood a defeat in its attempt to kill preborn children in Indiana. The ruling is a massive victory for life. The Law After the U.S. Supreme Court’s…
Florida to Regulate Surrogacy After Pennsylvania Sex Offender Purchases Baby
Florida Attorney General James Uthmeier pledged last week to introduce a state-level bill regulating surrogacy. The Protecting Kids from Predators Pursuing Parenthood Act would prevent registered sex offenders and people convicted of animal…