life
Anglican Church of Canada Launches ‘Pastoral Liturgy’ for Medically-Assisted Suicide
The Anglican Church of Canada launched a “liturgy” for clergy to use with those who choose to die by medically-assisted suicide. The rite includes confession and absolution for those intending to take their lives. The church’s General Synod…
Little League Team Excited For Chubby Kid’s Family To Bring The Snacks
MEDINA, OH — The excitement was palpable this afternoon on the bench of a local little league team after word spread that the chubby kid's family was bringing the game snacks.Anticipation reached a fever pitch at the top of the final inning…
Federal Funding for Planned Parenthood Restarts on Independence Day
On Independence Day, Americans celebrated our nation’s 250th birthday with much pomp and circumstance, especially in Washington D.C., which featured a presidential address and a dazzling display of 850,000 fireworks. The day also marked an…
Introverted Conference Attendee Torn Between Participating In Icebreaker And Throwing Self Off Bridge
BROOKLYN, NY — Introverted conference attendee Art Pendelton was torn this morning between participating in a mandatory icebreaker or throwing himself off a bridge.After the conference leader's enthusiastic announcement that everyone would…
Introverted Conference Attendee Torn Between Participating In Icebreaker And Throwing Self Off Coronado Bridge
SAN DIEGO, CA — Introverted conference attendee Art Pendelton was torn this morning between participating in a mandatory icebreaker or throwing himself off the majestic Coronado Bridge.After the conference leader's enthusiastic announcement…
‘Yeah, But It’s A Dry Heat,’ Says Arizona Man Who Is Currently On Fire
TEMPE, AZ — Local man Frank Benden, who was currently engulfed in flames, assured friends coming to visit that the 107-degree temperatures in Arizona weren't that bad because it's a dry heat.Benden, as his fingers charred to a black…
American Enters Day 3 Of Searching For Exit From Roundabout
PARIS — American visitor Ben Garfield reportedly entered day three of attempting to find an exit from a roundabout.Garfield and his family entered the roundabout in their rented BMW hatchback around mid-day on Wednesday while on their way to…
Terrorist Torn Between Going On Violent Jihad Or Getting Elected As Democratic Senator
NEW YORK CITY — According to sources, a radical Islamist terrorist felt torn between two possible career paths: leading the next violent jihad against the infidels or becoming a Democratic senator of the United States.Abdullah bin Khalid…
Man Upset As Someone Calls Him On Device Specifically Designed For People To Call Him On
TOPEKA, KS — Local man Samuel Denton was deeply upset Tuesday afternoon after his device, which is specifically designed to receive phone calls, received a phone call.Denton sighed with frustration, perturbed that anyone would have the audacity…
FDA Will Reportedly Conclude Abortion Pill Safety Review by September
The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) is expected to conclude a safety review of the abortion pill by September, according to recent reports. Weeks ago, the FDA commenced a study of the safety of mifepristone – the first drug in the…