life
America’s Birthday Should Be a Declaration of the Right to Life
Red, white and blue confetti fell from the sky in Times Square, as a patriotic New Year’s Eve crystal ball came down to welcome 2026. At the same time, the Washington Monument lit up like a giant birthday candle for America, with video…
Man’s High School Hacky Sack Skills Woefully Underprepared Him For Adult Life
SAN JOSE, CA — Local man Jeremy Gibbons' incredible hacky sack skills have somehow left him woefully unprepared for adult life.Despite spending hundreds of hours throughout high school obtaining sick hacky sack skills, Gibbons has still…
Appeals Court Upholds Defunding of Big Abortion Businesses
A federal appeals court ruled the Trump administration can withhold taxpayer dollars from Big Abortion organizations – most notably Planned Parenthood. On Tuesday, December 30, the 1st U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals lifted a preliminary…
Perfect Day Ruined By People
SALEM, OR — Once again, a perfect day has been ruined by the existence of people.Local man Paul Jennings had woken up in an incredible mood, had a great prayer time followed by delicious bacon, only for his perfect day to come crashing down upon…
Jolly Neil DeGrasse Tyson Going Down People’s Chimneys And Telling Kids Santa Isn’t Real
KNOXVILLE, TN — It's that time of year again, when astrophysicist Neil DeGrasse Tyson renews his annual tradition of going down people's chimneys to tell their kids that Santa isn't real.According to various reports from around…
Man Still Doesn’t Quite Trust Anything Without Official Nintendo Seal Of Quality
RANCHO CUCAMONGA, CA — According to sources, local man Mark Hunter still doesn't quite trust any product that lacks the Official Nintendo Seal of Quality."Every time I go shopping, I feel like I'm rolling the dice," Hunter…
Which Book Would You Want Your Child to Read?
Two children’s books. Two opposing worldviews. One cultural fork in the road. This month, Live Action released I’m a Baby. Watch Me Grow, a children’s board book highlighting prenatal human development in the womb. Next month, Abortion Is…
Invoking God’s ‘Mercy,’ NY Gov. Kathy Hochul To Sign Assisted-Suicide Bill
New York Governor Kathy Hochul on Wednesday announced her intention to sign a bill legalizing physician-assisted suicide into law. The Empire State will become the 13th state to legalize euthanasia, following Illinois, which became the 12th…
Appeals Court Upholds Defunding of Planned Parenthood
In a big victory for life, a federal appeals court ruled the Trump administration can withhold Medicaid dollars from Planned Parenthood locations that provide abortions. On Friday, December 12, a panel of judges on the 1st U.S. Circuit Court of…
Pathetic Excuse For A Zoomer Tries Hard At Stuff, Cares About Things
WESTMINSTER, CO — According to sources, a so-called "Zoomer" is actually low-key trying hard at life and caring about things. Totally cringe. Whatever."I look at my friends, and they're all kinda depressed and rotting,"…