life
Bose Introduces New Mariah Carey-Canceling Headphones For Christmas
FRAMINGHAM, MA — Going out in public during the holiday season without being overcome with the desire to shove an icepick in your ears will be possible once again this year, as Bose introduced its new Mariah Carey-canceling headphones just in…
Liberal’s Emotional Support Dog Gets Emotional Support Dog
SEATTLE — Jenny McCoy, a local bookstore clerk with deep anxiety over climate change, reportedly transferred so much of her own trauma over to her emotional support dog that her emotional support dog had gotten an emotional support dog.Flash, a…
Arkansas Named Most Pro-life State in America for Sixth Year
Americans United for Life named Arkansas the most pro-life state in the nation for the sixth year in a row. This recognition, which AUL announced in its newly released 2026 life list, affirms Arkansas’ long-term leadership in defending life from…
Spirit Airlines Hires Joe Rogan To Commentate Mid-Air Fights
U.S. — Longtime UFC commentator Joe Rogan has officially signed a contract with Spirit Airlines to cover mid-air fights.Spirit Airlines will begin broadcasting the fights on pay-per-view, in hopes of using the violence as a new revenue…
Banks Now Requiring Your Grandkids To Co-Sign Your 50-Year Mortgage
U.S. — Banks across the United States announced today that they would now require an applicant's grandkids to co-sign on a 50-year mortgage "just in case.""You never know what might happen if you're signing a 50-year…
Fans Can’t Believe How Much Rock Singer Has Aged In The Last 50 Years
LAS VEGAS, NV — Following a recent performance by a legendary band of their greatest hits, fans posted online about how they couldn't believe how much the lead singer had aged in the last 50 years.Though the crowd appeared to enjoy the…
Abortionists Normalize Third Trimester Abortions as ‘Later Abortion Care’
The abortion industry describes third trimester abortions as “later abortion care.” The deceptive euphemism normalizes the ghastly procedure, which ends the lives of preborn babies between seven and nine months old, so abortion providers can…
10 Good Works That Don’t Even Require You To Get Off The Couch
Doing good works requires time, effort, and energy. Or does it? What if you could rack up some good works without even leaving your couch?The Babylon Bee has compiled the list below of acts of kindness you can do from the comfort of your own…
Email Does Not Find Man Well
DENVER, CO — Sad reports indicated that a work email sent to a local man on Friday morning did not, in fact, find him well.Sources close to the situation said that Jason McKenzie, a data engineer, received the email shortly after arriving for…
Man’s Depression Once Again Cured By Watching Sam’s Speech From ‘The Two Towers’
PINE BLUFF, AR — In what psychiatrists said can only be described as a true miracle, a man's depression was once again cured by watching Samwise Gamgee's famous speech from the end of The Two Towers, in which Sam encourages the…