life
Nice Day Outdoors Drinking With The Boys Keeps Getting Interrupted By Having To Hit Little White Ball
SAN DIEGO, CA — What had started out as a perfectly enjoyable outing with friends turned sour today, as a local man's nice day outdoors drinking with the boys kept getting interrupted by having to hit a little white ball.Kevin Mansfield was…
Woman Brings Home World’s Most Effective, Adorable Alarm Clock
LANSING, MI — Local woman Mildred Donavon reportedly impressed her friends and family this week when she brought home the world's most effective and affordable alarm clock."My new clock wakes me up at the exact time it needs attention,…
Florida Sues Planned Parenthood for Falsely Claiming Abortion is ‘Safer Than Tylenol’
Recently, Florida’s Attorney General filed a lawsuit against Planned Parenthood for falsely advertising chemical abortion as “safer than Tylenol.” The lawsuit alleges Planned Parenthood promoted this claim to sell abortion-inducing drugs, like…
Starbucks Appeals To Men With New Zyn Spice Frappucino
SEATTLE, WA — In an effort to attract more male customers, Starbucks announced the release of its new Zyn Spice Frappuccino.A press release for the new product stated that the drink will come in a variety of flavors, including Cool Mint,…
Abortion’s Lies Exposed By Activist’s Own Bumper Stickers
In a way, the bumper sticker predates the bumper – minus the adhesive. Prior to the advent of Ford’s Model A in 1927 that included the world’s first car bumper, those wanting to communicate a message were known to strap wooden or metal signs…
Taco Bell Worker Not Impressed By Customer’s Excellent Spanish Pronunciation Of ‘Chalupa’
GRAND RAPIDS, MI — Local Toco Bell worker Austin Meyers remained unimpressed by a customer's excellent Spanish accent when pronouncing the word ‘chalupa.'Jake Gibson, a frequent Taco Bell customer, arrived this afternoon and proudly…
Mom Needs You To Come Over And Fix Whatever She Did To The TV
U.S. — According to sources, your mom just called because she desperately needs to talk to you. She needs you to come over and fix whatever she did to the TV.Eyewitnesses say the TV just "went black" one day. Your mom tried everything:…
Dodge Introduces New Truck Headlights That Blast Gamma Ray Bursts Into Your Eyeballs
AUBURN HILLS, MI — Truck manufacturer Dodge unveiled new headlights today that would come standard with new models and were designed specifically to blast gamma ray bursts into your eyeballs.After years of extensive research, designers were…
Bose Introduces New Mariah Carey-Canceling Headphones For Christmas
FRAMINGHAM, MA — Going out in public during the holiday season without being overcome with the desire to shove an icepick in your ears will be possible once again this year, as Bose introduced its new Mariah Carey-canceling headphones just in…
Liberal’s Emotional Support Dog Gets Emotional Support Dog
SEATTLE — Jenny McCoy, a local bookstore clerk with deep anxiety over climate change, reportedly transferred so much of her own trauma over to her emotional support dog that her emotional support dog had gotten an emotional support dog.Flash, a…